Joanna does not have a voice and cannot tell her story, but I believe that it should be told. I do not know of anyone with a similar story to hers and I think it would please her for you to know.
“I was a dream within God’s heart before the world was created…because He has a Father’s heart. He had a plan for my life, and when He created Adam He saw those who would come from his loins; I was among them. When the world became so wicked, when all men hated God, “Noah found grace in the eyes of the Lord” and he and his family were spared the deluge; I was in his loins. My father Abraham was told that his “seed” would be as the sands of the sea; I was in his loins. And, when the “fulness of time” had come, I was conceived in my mother’s womb from the seed of my father’s loins. But…….I never came to birth.”
You are probably thinking that this child was aborted and if so you would be wrong. Nor was she a product of SIDS, some disease or illness. I was Joanna’s mother, my husband was her father and the true story, up until now, was known only to a few.
My husband and I married when we were in our mid twenties during the time of the Viet Nam war. When my husband returned from Viet Nam our intention was to start a family, however, conception did not come. It was a very distressing time.
From the time I can remember, as a young girl, I wanted nothing more than to be married and have babies. I had very few “boyfriends” while I was in high school, and for many years after high school I saw no one. There was a short period of time when I dated, but again nothing that lasted.
When I met my future husband there was something that happened in my heart, I came to realize he was the one I had been waiting for, and now almost 50 years later, that spark is still there. In fact, I love him more today than I ever have.
We desired a family, but conception did not happen and so there were fertility tests, much sorrow, grief and pain until finally the miracle of conception came.
To our union God brought two sons….God’s gracious gift and Truth teller. We were blessed to have them.
Joanna’s story begins when our boys were eight and ten. I am from a family of seven, and though I was not raised in my parents home, I loved a big family and wanted at least six children. My husband and I did not agree on the number, and as it turned out there were just the two boys….until I became pregnant for the third time.
I am what some would call a “girly girl”. I love ribbons, lace, fixing hair, etc…the whole dresses, shoes, purses thing. I wanted a daughter to do all of those things with. That was the desire of my heart and Scripture says that God gives us the desire of our heart. I believe He puts the desire in our hearts and then fulfills it. Others may disagree and that is their prerogative.
When I knew that I was pregnant for the third time I was excited and afraid at the same time because my husband did not want any more children. As it turned out he was accepting of it. That, however, is also not the end of the story, for early one morning when I woke up, the Lord put a very serious question to me.
I heard these words: “Do you want to have this natural child or would you like to have spiritual children.” You might say, “Why can’t you have both.” , and for some that is possible, very possible and probable, but not for me.
Do you know that God is so personal with each of us that His plan is tailor-made just for us? In fact, one day He made this statement to me: “If you had been the only one who needed to be saved I would have died just for you.” That is almost beyond belief. There is no earthly love like that!
I asked for a day to think about God’s question and I was given that time. For some reason, probably only known to God, I am a one track-minded person. When I do something, that thing is what consumes my heart, my thoughts and actions, I really cannot explain the process that went on inside of me, but in the end, I chose spiritual children.
The next morning, the Lord came for my decision. I laid my desire for a daughter on the altar of the Lord and I received future spiritual children by faith.
I made breakfast for my boys and saw them out the door, when I closed the door the cramping came. Joanna had been two months in my womb when she went home to be with the Lord. A visit to the doctor confirmed the pregnancy and his statement was, “Normally, when a woman loses a baby we have to do a D&C, but your uterus is clean so we won’t have to.”
Today I am the joyful mother of two handsome sons, who have brought me two beautiful daughters-in-love and ten grand-children. To this number God has added many spiritual children. It is a privilege and a responsiblity that I cherish.
The end of this story, this song, is that Joanna awaits her family in Heaven, where she is now thirty-three years earth age. How I look forward to meeting her and hearing her side of the story.
Pastor Steve Poe tells “The Story” as having two stories, the Upper Story and the Lower Story. While John Eldredge tells of the Inner Story and the Outer Story. The Bible is God’s story, the story of His love as seen through His Son, Yahshua.
This morning I was thinking of John 3:16 where God tells us about His love, His heart for people. He loved so much that out of that love He gave the ultimate sacrifice, He sent His Son to earth where He was horribly mistreated and ultimately crucified by the Romans. Jesus died and was buried in a borrowed tomb. Again not the end of the story, because on the third day He arose. Today He is with our Father.
Joanna returned to her creator and now you have heard her story, her song. I pray that it has blessed you, dear reader, or at least caused you to think on these things.