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Rejection and Insecurity

Every person is born with a longing to belong.  Every person has an innate desire to share his time, his thoughts with someone.  Every person, every human being, every one has a need to be accepted and loved.  At some time in every life, a person will be rejected, will feel rejected, not accepted, not loved.  What does this lead to?  What happens within a person then?  That’s what I want to look at today.

Dr. James Dobson, the former head of Focus on the Family, worked at a hospital early in his career. The hospital’s director called a meeting one morning.  The room was full of women as Dr. Dobson walked in and took the end seat in the front row.  In the back of the room was a table with coffee and refreshments.  The women were all seated.

The director walked in and greeted everyone.  She laid out the format for the meeting, She said that they would have coffee first and then proceed.  Everyone was invited to go to the tables in the back of the room.  No one moved.  Dr. Dobson then said, “Thank you, I believe I will.”, and he stood up. Instantly every woman in the room stood up.  He shared this story to show how rejection, intimidation and inferiority hinders, women especially, from doing what they desire to do.

On a personal level, women seem to me to have a greater need to share their lives with others than men do.  When I counsel young women, I tell them to be sure that they have a few “girlfriends” to do things with.  I have several friends, but I have a few close friends that I pray with, have a meal with, go to a meeting with or just spend time with.  My need to share who I am and hear who they are is very great.  Though I am married, my husband does not meet that need for me as he does not have a need to share like I do.

I received a call yesterday from a young woman whom I mentored for three years.  I had to stop mentoring her because she came to depend upon me and not upon God.  It had been a long time since I had spoken with her personally.  I had heard from others that she had grown in her faith, but that she was still dealing with some major issues.

Her situation is a classic rejection scenario.  When she was 18 months old her dad sent her outside to play, locked the door and would not let her in all day.  The impact of that day affected her whole life.  She was diagnosed as being bi-polar, having the intellect of a young child, even though I found her to be very quick to understand and remember the things I taught her.  Unfortunately, she did not always do what she knew she should do.

When she was six years of age her mother and dad divorced.  She and her brother were raised by her mother.

Her mother had a “boyfriend”, who sexually molested her, and subsequently she was raped several times by an extended family member as well.  Not unusual for this scenario, she has had a problem with lust her whole life.  Soul ties are formed and unless broken, they continue to dominate the soul.

She has had numerous “boyfriends” and one husband, whom she divorced because he did not meet her “needs”.  She claims to be a Christian, to believe in God, having received Jesus as her personal savior.  But, she has great struggles with her sexuality.

God loves her even though she can’t get a handle on His love or how His love is that which finally fills the love, acceptance box in her soul.  It is only the love of God that sets the soul free at last from the rejection we all receive by living in this fallen world.

Now, let’s talk about self-worth.

Many years ago, I was on a prayer journey in Europe.  Several of us went into the red light district in Holland.  It was appalling to the senses.  There was a house that was built similarly to a ship, that is to say that the front of the house was like the prow of a ship.  It was all windows and two-story.

The top room of the house was bathed in blue light.  In that room there was one of the most beautiful blonde woman I have ever seen.  She was scantily clad, posing for those on the street to see.  The lower room was bathed in red light and in that room was a beautiful brunette woman.  These two women were the advertisement for the brothel.

How could someone who was so beautiful in form and face do what these women did?  Couldn’t they have done something without demeaning who they were, who God created them to be?  What was the answer?

Many years ago a reporter was interviewing a Miss America candidate.  In the interview she complained about having fat on her stomach, to which the reporter wrote, “It was unbelievable that this beautiful girl, who looked perfect, did not see herself as she was.”

Anorexia and bulimia are called diseases.  I recently listened to Karen Carpenter sing a beautiful Christmas song.  She was a victim of Anorexia.  What a shame and what a loss to the world to have that beautiful voice silenced.

Alcoholism, something I am intimately acquainted with, is another area that many are calling a disease.  My dad began using when he was a teen-ager.  The result of a lifetime of use caused him to lose his home, his wife, his children and ultimately his life.  Unfortunately, this so-called disease, passes down the generations and there are other family members who are bound by it.

Will any of these keep you out of Heaven?  No!  The way to Heaven is through faith in Jesus.  Are Alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia, prostitution, sexual immorality very real?  Yes! In my opinion they are all the result of rejection, only symptoms of a need to fill the hole in the soul.  Self-medication…so that they can “feel” accepted.

Do these things satisfy the very real need that people have?  No!  They are temporary fixes at best.  At the worst, they take your earthly life and unless you have been born-again by the Spirit of God, they will condemn you to eternity without God, life, love and light; for eternity the enemy will torment you because you chose your sin and not God.

If you have a problem with any of the things I have highlighted today please know that the issue is rejection.  You can be set you free.  The answer is found in receiving Jesus as your Savior and your Lord.

“He (God) chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe!  Because of his great love he ordained us, (marked us with His love) so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.  For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace —for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us.  And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!”  Ephesians 1:4-6 The Passion Translation

“According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”                          Ephesians 1: 4-7 The King James Version

It was this passage that set me free from rejection.  I felt like I didn’t belong to anyone.  I felt like an orphan.  Rejection consumes your mind, your will and your emotions.  It binds you like a straight jacket and colors your whole world.

It is amazing how the world opens up when your realize that God knew you before he even created the world.  How God sees you and me is so different from how we see ourselves or how others see us.  Love glasses, love lenses change everything.

Yesterday a group of friends celebrated Christmas with a friend of ours who is slowly inching toward eternity.  Her heart is failing, but her spirit is strong.  We began to sing a Christmas song and I realized that it may be the last time we have this time with her.  It hit my emotions, my soul.  I know where she is going and I have peace that she is being prepared to meet Jesus, but the thought of this one that I have shared a portion of my life with, not being here, saddened me.  I love her.

Love overcomes when we yield to it.  The God kind of love is without condition.  He loves because He is love.  He once told me that He loved the alcoholic lying in the street covered in his own vomit as much as He loved the most righteous man in the land.  I cannot comprehend that kind of love, I can only accept it and I do.

Everyone has issues that they deal with constantly.  We live in a fallen world, there is no perfect man on this planet.  But, there is a perfect man in Heaven, Jesus is there.  He prays for us constantly, because He understands what it is like to live here.  I have loved ones there and I believe that they also bring requests to Father for those of us that are here.  They are waiting with joy for us to come home.

I know that this has been long friend, but I felt strongly to address this today.  I pray that you have been touched in some way to draw near to God through Jesus.  If you have met Him, you know how much you are loved.  If you have not met Him yet…consider it.  Oh, how He loves you and me.

Affectionately,                                                                                                                                          Joy

 

 

 

Intimidation and Other Lies

Katrina was the only girl in a family of four.  Her brothers were all favored by their dad.  She longed for favor from him too.

As a little girl her mother dressed her in clothes that her grandmother made out of feed sacks.    Katrina came to hate home-made clothes and longed for store-bought clothes.

When she became an adult Katrina exerted her independence, choosing pants and baggy tops instead of dresses or a skirt and blouse.

When Katrina was 14 years old her father began to molest her.  This was not the attention that she wanted from him, but she felt trapped, unable to fight back.  She said nothing about it to anyone for over 20 years.

When I met her, she was a tightly held, reserved woman who rarely, if ever, divulged a thought about anything.

Intimidation is an interesting subject.  Because first of all, the person who has been intimidated as a child does not know that they are bound up, they are coping as best they know how to.

Secondly, if that intimidation has come as a result of sexual abuse as a child, the bondage goes very deep into the soul.  It is like a giant tree that overshadows the whole life of the person.

There is in the person a “fight back” or “push back” reaction when anyone tries to bring constructive criticism designed to help them to be free.  And this is very hard to overcome, in fact, the only thing that can set them free is the love of God.

I know that I am loved by God, but accepting the love of other people and being able to trust them was a difficult thing for me.  I was thinking this morning about some things from my own childhood.

My grandmother took me into her home when I was 8 years old and raised me until I graduated from high school at 18.  Then, my aunt got me a job at the bank that she had worked at as a young lady.  I had no self-esteem.  I longed to be loved and accepted.

I was managed by my uncle.  He became the father figure in my life.  It was a love hate relationship.  As a young man in his “twenties”, he was not prepared for parenting and especially not parenting a strong-willed child.  His method was to “crush” whatever rebellion he saw in me.

I was physically abused as a young child and there was some sexual abuse as well, but nothing in that time that would have been thought of as sexual abuse.  The result was that I grew up to be an angry person easily intimidated by anyone with authority.

Today we see sexual abuse spoken of freely in the media.  But, very little is done to help those who have been victims of it.  Rather, they are exploited to tell their story and they are paid well to do so, in some cases.  However, most of those who have been subjected to sexual abuse do not want to talk about it.

In my case, I did not tell anyone my experiences until just a few years ago and I am at this time 80 years of age.

As a young girl I was invited to stay overnight at a classmates home.  I loved to do that as I did not live in a normal home with a mother and father.  However, that visit was just part of the pain I experienced as a child.  When we got into the bed the girl placed her hand on my genitals.  It freaked me out.  Obviously, I never went there again.

There were things during my childhood that were thought to be “cute”, such as touching the genitals of a baby while changing a diaper, or an adult fondling the breast of a young teen-ager.  Or “planting a kiss” on your mouth in the presence of your friends that embarrassed you mightily.  None of these things were considered sexual abuse at that time and yet they left scars on the soul.  You were interfered with as one writer said.

In one culture the men in the family, whether fathers, brothers, uncles or grandpas sexually abuse the girls.  I was told that few of the women have not experienced sexual  abuse and physical abuse by the men in the family.

I would hazard a guess that most people have been subjected to sexual abuse in some form or other.  I suggest that most people have experienced some kind of physical abuse as well.  But the most difficult of all is the mental abuse, the intimidation and other lies that we all face as we grow up, these stay with us into adulthood.  Our character is formed through the experiences that we have.  It affects not only our mind, but also our will and our emotions.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book called, “Old Hat, New Hat”, it is the story of someone who goes into a hat store wearing an old hat.  He wants to get a new hat, but every hat he tries has something wrong with it and in the end he walks out wearing his old hat declaring that it is just right.

It is easy to get comfortable in your skin, even though you have experienced abuse.  You settle for living below your privilege.  This settling is usually across the board in your experiences.  Your attitude is really “less than”.  You settle for less than the salary you are really worth.  You settle for more stuff at a cheaper price rather than one thing of value.  You do not see that you are a person of value and worth.

Recently the Lord asked me to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.  People that have been abused are so intimidated by lies and deception that they have no voice.  I would be that voice today.  If that is you, know that I care, God cares more than anyone person could.  He also has the power to set the captive free.-

It is time for the abused to realize that though the world has dealt them a bad hand, God was not in it.  God is good.  Every evil thing that we experience is because we live in a fallen world, there is an adversary, and we make bad choices.

The world needs to wake up.  People are exploited for many reasons.  There are some who are involved in stopping sex trafficking.  There are some who are now talking about white slavery and prostitution.   Others are talking about the abduction of people by the occult for the purposes of ritual sacrifice.

This area is not status quo.  It is not comfortable.  It is messy and it is dirty.  We must wake up.

There are forces and powers of the kingdom of darkness, by the Luciferians, for instance, who buy, sell and steal children for their blood to be used on their altars of ritual sacrifice.

God cares, do we?

Recently, a case of a missing child was supposedly closed.  But, it was not closed really.  A fabrication was put forth and it gained a lot of media attention and people were glad that it was solved.  I was told by the Lord that this child was taken for ritual sacrifice.  Cover-up is a tool of the kingdom of darkness.  But, God sees.  There is a judgment for it.

So friends, I trust that I have stirred the pot a bit today, perhaps even woke some of you up to the prevailing, pervasive lies and deception that surround abuse in our society.  There are so many areas where this prevails and many stories could be told.  Both the high life and the low life are affected by abuse, it has a long arm.

What I am saying through all of this is be aware.  Be compassionate with people who seem hard to get along with, they may be carrying a heavy burden from the past.  Love people to life.  If you are a believer in Jesus and you know that you have been forgiven, then forgive as you have been forgiven.

God so loved the world that He gave His Son to be the Savior of the world.  Many, but not all, will receive Him and begin the process of preparation for eternity with God forever. In the meantime, we are ambassadors for the Kingdom of God, we must represent our King to a lost and dying world.  If not us then who?

Many need a touch from God; a hand on the shoulder says a lot to someone who is struggling with self-worth.  A listening ear for someone who is in need of letting out the “stuff” that is in their soul, not judging, criticizing, or condemning them, but understanding that “there but for the grace of God go I”.

Jesus walked among us as a human man with the love of God radiating from Him.  Moved with compassion He healed the sick and diseased, set free captives.  He caused the lame to walk and the blind to see.  God longs for each of His children to do what His Son did.  That we cannot do so has been the biggest lie ever perpetrated upon humanity.

There will come a time when we will do what He did and greater things than that will we do because He went to the Father and there He lives to make intercession for us.  There will come a day when God will do what He promised He would do, He will pour out of His Spirit upon all flesh and a great harvest of souls will come into the Kingdom of God.  What a day that will be.  It will be a quick work and then there will be a separation that takes place.

God bless you today with His love and His liberty.  May you be healed and delivered from all that oppresses you.  May you know the love of God that passes all understanding.  Nothing is too hard for God, only believe.

Love, Joy