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Rejection and Insecurity

Every person is born with a longing to belong.  Every person has an innate desire to share his time, his thoughts with someone.  Every person, every human being, every one has a need to be accepted and loved.  At some time in every life, a person will be rejected, will feel rejected, not accepted, not loved.  What does this lead to?  What happens within a person then?  That’s what I want to look at today.

Dr. James Dobson, the former head of Focus on the Family, worked at a hospital early in his career. The hospital’s director called a meeting one morning.  The room was full of women as Dr. Dobson walked in and took the end seat in the front row.  In the back of the room was a table with coffee and refreshments.  The women were all seated.

The director walked in and greeted everyone.  She laid out the format for the meeting, She said that they would have coffee first and then proceed.  Everyone was invited to go to the tables in the back of the room.  No one moved.  Dr. Dobson then said, “Thank you, I believe I will.”, and he stood up. Instantly every woman in the room stood up.  He shared this story to show how rejection, intimidation and inferiority hinders, women especially, from doing what they desire to do.

On a personal level, women seem to me to have a greater need to share their lives with others than men do.  When I counsel young women, I tell them to be sure that they have a few “girlfriends” to do things with.  I have several friends, but I have a few close friends that I pray with, have a meal with, go to a meeting with or just spend time with.  My need to share who I am and hear who they are is very great.  Though I am married, my husband does not meet that need for me as he does not have a need to share like I do.

I received a call yesterday from a young woman whom I mentored for three years.  I had to stop mentoring her because she came to depend upon me and not upon God.  It had been a long time since I had spoken with her personally.  I had heard from others that she had grown in her faith, but that she was still dealing with some major issues.

Her situation is a classic rejection scenario.  When she was 18 months old her dad sent her outside to play, locked the door and would not let her in all day.  The impact of that day affected her whole life.  She was diagnosed as being bi-polar, having the intellect of a young child, even though I found her to be very quick to understand and remember the things I taught her.  Unfortunately, she did not always do what she knew she should do.

When she was six years of age her mother and dad divorced.  She and her brother were raised by her mother.

Her mother had a “boyfriend”, who sexually molested her, and subsequently she was raped several times by an extended family member as well.  Not unusual for this scenario, she has had a problem with lust her whole life.  Soul ties are formed and unless broken, they continue to dominate the soul.

She has had numerous “boyfriends” and one husband, whom she divorced because he did not meet her “needs”.  She claims to be a Christian, to believe in God, having received Jesus as her personal savior.  But, she has great struggles with her sexuality.

God loves her even though she can’t get a handle on His love or how His love is that which finally fills the love, acceptance box in her soul.  It is only the love of God that sets the soul free at last from the rejection we all receive by living in this fallen world.

Now, let’s talk about self-worth.

Many years ago, I was on a prayer journey in Europe.  Several of us went into the red light district in Holland.  It was appalling to the senses.  There was a house that was built similarly to a ship, that is to say that the front of the house was like the prow of a ship.  It was all windows and two-story.

The top room of the house was bathed in blue light.  In that room there was one of the most beautiful blonde woman I have ever seen.  She was scantily clad, posing for those on the street to see.  The lower room was bathed in red light and in that room was a beautiful brunette woman.  These two women were the advertisement for the brothel.

How could someone who was so beautiful in form and face do what these women did?  Couldn’t they have done something without demeaning who they were, who God created them to be?  What was the answer?

Many years ago a reporter was interviewing a Miss America candidate.  In the interview she complained about having fat on her stomach, to which the reporter wrote, “It was unbelievable that this beautiful girl, who looked perfect, did not see herself as she was.”

Anorexia and bulimia are called diseases.  I recently listened to Karen Carpenter sing a beautiful Christmas song.  She was a victim of Anorexia.  What a shame and what a loss to the world to have that beautiful voice silenced.

Alcoholism, something I am intimately acquainted with, is another area that many are calling a disease.  My dad began using when he was a teen-ager.  The result of a lifetime of use caused him to lose his home, his wife, his children and ultimately his life.  Unfortunately, this so-called disease, passes down the generations and there are other family members who are bound by it.

Will any of these keep you out of Heaven?  No!  The way to Heaven is through faith in Jesus.  Are Alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia, prostitution, sexual immorality very real?  Yes! In my opinion they are all the result of rejection, only symptoms of a need to fill the hole in the soul.  Self-medication…so that they can “feel” accepted.

Do these things satisfy the very real need that people have?  No!  They are temporary fixes at best.  At the worst, they take your earthly life and unless you have been born-again by the Spirit of God, they will condemn you to eternity without God, life, love and light; for eternity the enemy will torment you because you chose your sin and not God.

If you have a problem with any of the things I have highlighted today please know that the issue is rejection.  You can be set you free.  The answer is found in receiving Jesus as your Savior and your Lord.

“He (God) chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe!  Because of his great love he ordained us, (marked us with His love) so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.  For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace —for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us.  And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!”  Ephesians 1:4-6 The Passion Translation

“According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”                          Ephesians 1: 4-7 The King James Version

It was this passage that set me free from rejection.  I felt like I didn’t belong to anyone.  I felt like an orphan.  Rejection consumes your mind, your will and your emotions.  It binds you like a straight jacket and colors your whole world.

It is amazing how the world opens up when your realize that God knew you before he even created the world.  How God sees you and me is so different from how we see ourselves or how others see us.  Love glasses, love lenses change everything.

Yesterday a group of friends celebrated Christmas with a friend of ours who is slowly inching toward eternity.  Her heart is failing, but her spirit is strong.  We began to sing a Christmas song and I realized that it may be the last time we have this time with her.  It hit my emotions, my soul.  I know where she is going and I have peace that she is being prepared to meet Jesus, but the thought of this one that I have shared a portion of my life with, not being here, saddened me.  I love her.

Love overcomes when we yield to it.  The God kind of love is without condition.  He loves because He is love.  He once told me that He loved the alcoholic lying in the street covered in his own vomit as much as He loved the most righteous man in the land.  I cannot comprehend that kind of love, I can only accept it and I do.

Everyone has issues that they deal with constantly.  We live in a fallen world, there is no perfect man on this planet.  But, there is a perfect man in Heaven, Jesus is there.  He prays for us constantly, because He understands what it is like to live here.  I have loved ones there and I believe that they also bring requests to Father for those of us that are here.  They are waiting with joy for us to come home.

I know that this has been long friend, but I felt strongly to address this today.  I pray that you have been touched in some way to draw near to God through Jesus.  If you have met Him, you know how much you are loved.  If you have not met Him yet…consider it.  Oh, how He loves you and me.

Affectionately,                                                                                                                                          Joy

 

 

 

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Intimidation and Other Lies

Katrina was the only girl in a family of four.  Her brothers were all favored by their dad.  She longed for favor from him too.

As a little girl her mother dressed her in clothes that her grandmother made out of feed sacks.    Katrina came to hate home-made clothes and longed for store-bought clothes.

When she became an adult Katrina exerted her independence, choosing pants and baggy tops instead of dresses or a skirt and blouse.

When Katrina was 14 years old her father began to molest her.  This was not the attention that she wanted from him, but she felt trapped, unable to fight back.  She said nothing about it to anyone for over 20 years.

When I met her, she was a tightly held, reserved woman who rarely, if ever, divulged a thought about anything.

Intimidation is an interesting subject.  Because first of all, the person who has been intimidated as a child does not know that they are bound up, they are coping as best they know how to.

Secondly, if that intimidation has come as a result of sexual abuse as a child, the bondage goes very deep into the soul.  It is like a giant tree that overshadows the whole life of the person.

There is in the person a “fight back” or “push back” reaction when anyone tries to bring constructive criticism designed to help them to be free.  And this is very hard to overcome, in fact, the only thing that can set them free is the love of God.

I know that I am loved by God, but accepting the love of other people and being able to trust them was a difficult thing for me.  I was thinking this morning about some things from my own childhood.

My grandmother took me into her home when I was 8 years old and raised me until I graduated from high school at 18.  Then, my aunt got me a job at the bank that she had worked at as a young lady.  I had no self-esteem.  I longed to be loved and accepted.

I was managed by my uncle.  He became the father figure in my life.  It was a love hate relationship.  As a young man in his “twenties”, he was not prepared for parenting and especially not parenting a strong-willed child.  His method was to “crush” whatever rebellion he saw in me.

I was physically abused as a young child and there was some sexual abuse as well, but nothing in that time that would have been thought of as sexual abuse.  The result was that I grew up to be an angry person easily intimidated by anyone with authority.

Today we see sexual abuse spoken of freely in the media.  But, very little is done to help those who have been victims of it.  Rather, they are exploited to tell their story and they are paid well to do so, in some cases.  However, most of those who have been subjected to sexual abuse do not want to talk about it.

In my case, I did not tell anyone my experiences until just a few years ago and I am at this time 80 years of age.

As a young girl I was invited to stay overnight at a classmates home.  I loved to do that as I did not live in a normal home with a mother and father.  However, that visit was just part of the pain I experienced as a child.  When we got into the bed the girl placed her hand on my genitals.  It freaked me out.  Obviously, I never went there again.

There were things during my childhood that were thought to be “cute”, such as touching the genitals of a baby while changing a diaper, or an adult fondling the breast of a young teen-ager.  Or “planting a kiss” on your mouth in the presence of your friends that embarrassed you mightily.  None of these things were considered sexual abuse at that time and yet they left scars on the soul.  You were interfered with as one writer said.

In one culture the men in the family, whether fathers, brothers, uncles or grandpas sexually abuse the girls.  I was told that few of the women have not experienced sexual  abuse and physical abuse by the men in the family.

I would hazard a guess that most people have been subjected to sexual abuse in some form or other.  I suggest that most people have experienced some kind of physical abuse as well.  But the most difficult of all is the mental abuse, the intimidation and other lies that we all face as we grow up, these stay with us into adulthood.  Our character is formed through the experiences that we have.  It affects not only our mind, but also our will and our emotions.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book called, “Old Hat, New Hat”, it is the story of someone who goes into a hat store wearing an old hat.  He wants to get a new hat, but every hat he tries has something wrong with it and in the end he walks out wearing his old hat declaring that it is just right.

It is easy to get comfortable in your skin, even though you have experienced abuse.  You settle for living below your privilege.  This settling is usually across the board in your experiences.  Your attitude is really “less than”.  You settle for less than the salary you are really worth.  You settle for more stuff at a cheaper price rather than one thing of value.  You do not see that you are a person of value and worth.

Recently the Lord asked me to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.  People that have been abused are so intimidated by lies and deception that they have no voice.  I would be that voice today.  If that is you, know that I care, God cares more than anyone person could.  He also has the power to set the captive free.-

It is time for the abused to realize that though the world has dealt them a bad hand, God was not in it.  God is good.  Every evil thing that we experience is because we live in a fallen world, there is an adversary, and we make bad choices.

The world needs to wake up.  People are exploited for many reasons.  There are some who are involved in stopping sex trafficking.  There are some who are now talking about white slavery and prostitution.   Others are talking about the abduction of people by the occult for the purposes of ritual sacrifice.

This area is not status quo.  It is not comfortable.  It is messy and it is dirty.  We must wake up.

There are forces and powers of the kingdom of darkness, by the Luciferians, for instance, who buy, sell and steal children for their blood to be used on their altars of ritual sacrifice.

God cares, do we?

Recently, a case of a missing child was supposedly closed.  But, it was not closed really.  A fabrication was put forth and it gained a lot of media attention and people were glad that it was solved.  I was told by the Lord that this child was taken for ritual sacrifice.  Cover-up is a tool of the kingdom of darkness.  But, God sees.  There is a judgment for it.

So friends, I trust that I have stirred the pot a bit today, perhaps even woke some of you up to the prevailing, pervasive lies and deception that surround abuse in our society.  There are so many areas where this prevails and many stories could be told.  Both the high life and the low life are affected by abuse, it has a long arm.

What I am saying through all of this is be aware.  Be compassionate with people who seem hard to get along with, they may be carrying a heavy burden from the past.  Love people to life.  If you are a believer in Jesus and you know that you have been forgiven, then forgive as you have been forgiven.

God so loved the world that He gave His Son to be the Savior of the world.  Many, but not all, will receive Him and begin the process of preparation for eternity with God forever. In the meantime, we are ambassadors for the Kingdom of God, we must represent our King to a lost and dying world.  If not us then who?

Many need a touch from God; a hand on the shoulder says a lot to someone who is struggling with self-worth.  A listening ear for someone who is in need of letting out the “stuff” that is in their soul, not judging, criticizing, or condemning them, but understanding that “there but for the grace of God go I”.

Jesus walked among us as a human man with the love of God radiating from Him.  Moved with compassion He healed the sick and diseased, set free captives.  He caused the lame to walk and the blind to see.  God longs for each of His children to do what His Son did.  That we cannot do so has been the biggest lie ever perpetrated upon humanity.

There will come a time when we will do what He did and greater things than that will we do because He went to the Father and there He lives to make intercession for us.  There will come a day when God will do what He promised He would do, He will pour out of His Spirit upon all flesh and a great harvest of souls will come into the Kingdom of God.  What a day that will be.  It will be a quick work and then there will be a separation that takes place.

God bless you today with His love and His liberty.  May you be healed and delivered from all that oppresses you.  May you know the love of God that passes all understanding.  Nothing is too hard for God, only believe.

Love, Joy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Rose By Any Other Name

I met him on the elevator of the senior high rise.  “What is your name he growled?”  “It is Joy, I said”  He continued to look down at the floor of the elevator not saying another word to me.

I didn’t see him again until several weeks later when I was having dinner with my friend.  We walked into the dining room where dinner was being served.  He was sitting at a table by himself.  No one spoke to him or attempted to sit with him.  “Strange”, I thought.  Everyone else in the room was seated at a table for two or four.

When my friend and I were seated I asked who this man was.  “Oh, they say he was a doctor”, she replied.  “He is Egyptian.  One time I approached him, he was very unfriendly.  I tried to engage him in conversation about where he was from.  I mentioned that I had been to Israel when he said he was from Egypt.  That seemed to make him irritated, I never attempted to speak to him again.”

Subsequently I have been to dinner a few times with my friend, and have seen him there.  The same scenario continues, isolation from the other residents.

This morning as I was contemplating this situation it occurred to me that he was of an  Eastern religion.  They are commanded not to even eat with infidels, which would be all the rest of the world who are not of their belief, that could be the reason why he keeps himself separate from the others.

As I thought on this, the last time I was there, after I was seated, I greeted a couple that I have come to know with a wave at the husband as he came into the room.  He just happened to be behind the Egyptian at that moment and the man thought I was waving at him, and he waved back.  A look went across his face when he realized I wasn’t waving at him, but rather this other man.  I felt badly for him.

Isolation is not what man was created for.  The God of Abraham is a God of family.  That is why Jesus taught His disciples to pray:  “Our Father who art in Heaven.”

As I have been contemplating all of this, I wondered what his name is.  I don’t know, of course, but I thought, Saleem.   Looking up the name online, it means “peaceful”.  Interesting, because the man seems anything but peaceful.

As I watched him, he would glance around the room at the people, never gazing long at anyone.  I made eye contact with him a few times and began to see what was in his soul.  He is envious of the others as they eat and visit together while he sits alone.  Yet his religion isolates him from the very thing his soul is drawn to.

He got up from his table, stuffing his aluminum wrapped food into a bag hanging from his walker, walked over to a table of four and gruffly, loudly said something to them, to which they didn’t respond, except to stare at him.  Turning away he shuffled out of the room….lonely still because of his manner.

My heart goes out to him.  I would like to say to him, “What has your god done for you?  You are alone, your health is gone from you, your end is in sight and you have no one who cares for you.”

Religion is a terrible thing.  It assures you that all is well, you are on the right track and heaven awaits you when you die.  It is false assurance which leads to a place prepared for the accuser and his angels.

The God of Abraham, Issac and Jacob is the only true God.  He does have a Son, and that Son became a man, Yeshua of Nazaret.  He is the door to Heaven, there is no other way.  It grieves the heart of the Father that people refuse to walk in the way that He willed.  He has done everything He could to make His will, His way and His Word known to mankind, yet there are those who choose religion over relationship.

Every religion is based upon works.  If you do, you can be, and you can have whatever they promise.  Relationship with God is strictly based upon what Jesus did for you, you cannot add anything to it, nothing.  It is so simple a child can understand it.

Religion blinds the eyes of the spirit and keeps the blinders tightly closed over them.

Religions blocks the ears of the spirit from hearing the good news that the price for your soul has been paid through the bloody sacrifice of Jesus over 2000 years ago and you can enter into His rest through faith.

Religion promises you Heaven, but keeps you from your desired destination.

The power of agreement is virtually unknown to most of mankind.  You will become like the one you agree with.  You will take upon yourself much of the thinking, much of the behavior of those you are around on a regular basis.  Adaptation is inevitable unless you are under the influence of a spirit, whether the Holy Spirit of God or a spirit of the adversary.

Saleem, “peaceful” one, what kind of peace is the experience of such a one?  False peace.

There are two kinds of real peace.  There is peace with God that comes to a person who turns from sin, from his own way of doing and being, to embrace God’s way of doing and being.

Then, there is the peace of God that comes to someone, who is in the process of getting to know the God of all peace, who is at the same time bringing their mind, will and emotions into subjection to the Holy Spirit of God.

God’s peace brings rest for the soul.  There are also many believers in Jesus, who have never entered into God’s rest, the still strive to be what they believe they should be.  I have a friend that says of these, “They always think, ‘shoulda, woulda’, coulda’.”  True.

Friends, I trust that I have provoked you to think about religion versus relationship.  God, my Father, would have all men to be saved and come to know the truth.  Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  He is the answer to every question, the hope for every desire and the love of your life when all others have failed you.  Come to the Father through the Son.

Affectionately,  Joy

 

 

Shy

There are some of us that think like this:  I am a shy person.  How does Merriam-Webster define the word shy?

Shy:

  1.  Easily frightened: TIMID
  2. disposed to avoid a person or thing
  3. hesitant in committing oneself: CIRCUMSPECT
  4.  sensitively diffident or retiring: RESERVED
  5.  SECLUDED, HIDDEN
  6.  having less than the full or specified amount or number.
  7.  DISREPUTABLE

There you have it.  I think that most people are thinking of shy as the definition in number 4 above explains when they tell you that they are shy.  There are some who use shyness as a reason or perhaps an excuse for not doing something that is required of them in any given situation.  Being shy is an outward manifestation of what is deposited in the soul.

The soul is a repository of every experience that a person has ever had, usually complete with pictures, emotions and attitudes.  When the Bible says, “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks”, I believe it is referring to the soul.  The deposits on the pages of the soul determine the words and actions that we take.

Depending on age, we have little or much that is imprinted on the pages of the soul.  Depending on circumstances what is imprinted there can be good or bad and either encourages or discourages us.  I believe it controls us to some degree.

The soul of a person contains his mental capacity, his will and his emotions and affections.  In essence the soul of a person is what you encounter when you meet them.

There is another way of seeing the soul, and that is defined by personality.  By this I mean, is the person reserved or are they outgoing.? I have a friend who sees other people as friends she hasn’t met yet.  She loves to talk to people and has many “friends”.

There are other people who are more reserved, quieter by nature, they have a harder time speaking with people they don’t know.  They have a few friends with whom they are very close.  They may even appear to be aloof, but in reality it is their personality.

So far I have been speaking from the natural standpoint.  There is one factor that can change all of this and that is the experience of meeting Jesus the Messiah.  This experience is life changing.  Perhaps I should say that it can be life changing.

When a person asks Jesus to come into their life because they see that this is a good thing to do, their experience may be true or it may not be.  Some people have been “scared” into accepting Jesus into their life by someone telling them that they will go to Hell if they don’t.

It is good to receive Jesus into your life; by receiving Jesus you are brought out of the kingdom of darkness and transferred into the Kingdom of God, which is light and Heaven becomes your destination.  But, many who claim to be Christians (Christ ones) have never had a real experience with the Savior, repented of their sin and turned to Him for salvation.  It can be mental assent and that is not the true conversion experience.

When you truly see that it was your sin that caused Jesus to be crucified, it breaks you, it changes you, there is no other way.  He is the only way.  When you ask Him for forgiveness, you experience being “born-again”.  Your human spirit becomes new, this is defined as a new creature, a new creation, something that never existed before.  If you have not experienced that, if I were you I would question whether what I have is true.

While the spirit of a man is made into something that did not exist before, fashioned for the Kingdom of God, becomes “a son of God”, the soul remains the same as it was.  There is usually no change but some have experienced an instant release from destructible habits.

The Word of God states that it is by hearing the Word preached, by fellowship (hanging around) with the people who are like you now, and reading and studying the Word of God, that your soul will be changed.  This is a process that will go on your whole life.  It is that your soul will become like Jesus when He walked on the earth.  It is to fit you for Heaven as well as to equip you to do the work of ministering for the Kingdom of God on the earth.

I am shy therefore I can’t……..    The Word of God says:  “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

If you have been born-again, if you have taken your soul to the Word of God, if you fellowship with other believers on a regular basis, if you have asked God to fill you with His Holy Spirit, if you have done all you know to do promote and strengthen God’s Kingdom on the earth, if you pray earnestly for the things that are on the heart of the Father, then your soul will be transformed and you will no longer be timid, reserved, hidden, but you will choose to do whatever the Holy Spirit leads you to do.  As someone said, “Sometimes I just do it afraid.”

When someone says, “I am shy.”  I think, “They are self-centered not God-centered.”  When we are God-centered we can literally do the exact opposite of our natural temperament, our natural inclinations.  That is why the Apostle Paul said, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Jesus wants to live in us, with us and through us.  He wants His Father’s will to be done on earth as it is in Heaven.  That is why He taught His disciples to pray that way.  Father sent the Holy Spirit to indwell every believer , He gives us the power we need to live a victorious life here on the earth.

I trust that this message will help you to see that you really can do more for God than you thought you could.  Draw upon the power of the Holy Spirit and you could be another Billy Graham, another Rees Howells or another John Kilpatrick.   All things are possible to those who believe.   Only believe!

In His love,

Happy Thanksgiving!