Tag Archive | Abuse

Intimidation and Other Lies

Katrina was the only girl in a family of four.  Her brothers were all favored by their dad.  She longed for favor from him too.

As a little girl her mother dressed her in clothes that her grandmother made out of feed sacks.    Katrina came to hate home-made clothes and longed for store-bought clothes.

When she became an adult Katrina exerted her independence, choosing pants and baggy tops instead of dresses or a skirt and blouse.

When Katrina was 14 years old her father began to molest her.  This was not the attention that she wanted from him, but she felt trapped, unable to fight back.  She said nothing about it to anyone for over 20 years.

When I met her, she was a tightly held, reserved woman who rarely, if ever, divulged a thought about anything.

Intimidation is an interesting subject.  Because first of all, the person who has been intimidated as a child does not know that they are bound up, they are coping as best they know how to.

Secondly, if that intimidation has come as a result of sexual abuse as a child, the bondage goes very deep into the soul.  It is like a giant tree that overshadows the whole life of the person.

There is in the person a “fight back” or “push back” reaction when anyone tries to bring constructive criticism designed to help them to be free.  And this is very hard to overcome, in fact, the only thing that can set them free is the love of God.

I know that I am loved by God, but accepting the love of other people and being able to trust them was a difficult thing for me.  I was thinking this morning about some things from my own childhood.

My grandmother took me into her home when I was 8 years old and raised me until I graduated from high school at 18.  Then, my aunt got me a job at the bank that she had worked at as a young lady.  I had no self-esteem.  I longed to be loved and accepted.

I was managed by my uncle.  He became the father figure in my life.  It was a love hate relationship.  As a young man in his “twenties”, he was not prepared for parenting and especially not parenting a strong-willed child.  His method was to “crush” whatever rebellion he saw in me.

I was physically abused as a young child and there was some sexual abuse as well, but nothing in that time that would have been thought of as sexual abuse.  The result was that I grew up to be an angry person easily intimidated by anyone with authority.

Today we see sexual abuse spoken of freely in the media.  But, very little is done to help those who have been victims of it.  Rather, they are exploited to tell their story and they are paid well to do so, in some cases.  However, most of those who have been subjected to sexual abuse do not want to talk about it.

In my case, I did not tell anyone my experiences until just a few years ago and I am at this time 80 years of age.

As a young girl I was invited to stay overnight at a classmates home.  I loved to do that as I did not live in a normal home with a mother and father.  However, that visit was just part of the pain I experienced as a child.  When we got into the bed the girl placed her hand on my genitals.  It freaked me out.  Obviously, I never went there again.

There were things during my childhood that were thought to be “cute”, such as touching the genitals of a baby while changing a diaper, or an adult fondling the breast of a young teen-ager.  Or “planting a kiss” on your mouth in the presence of your friends that embarrassed you mightily.  None of these things were considered sexual abuse at that time and yet they left scars on the soul.  You were interfered with as one writer said.

In one culture the men in the family, whether fathers, brothers, uncles or grandpas sexually abuse the girls.  I was told that few of the women have not experienced sexual  abuse and physical abuse by the men in the family.

I would hazard a guess that most people have been subjected to sexual abuse in some form or other.  I suggest that most people have experienced some kind of physical abuse as well.  But the most difficult of all is the mental abuse, the intimidation and other lies that we all face as we grow up, these stay with us into adulthood.  Our character is formed through the experiences that we have.  It affects not only our mind, but also our will and our emotions.

Dr. Seuss wrote a book called, “Old Hat, New Hat”, it is the story of someone who goes into a hat store wearing an old hat.  He wants to get a new hat, but every hat he tries has something wrong with it and in the end he walks out wearing his old hat declaring that it is just right.

It is easy to get comfortable in your skin, even though you have experienced abuse.  You settle for living below your privilege.  This settling is usually across the board in your experiences.  Your attitude is really “less than”.  You settle for less than the salary you are really worth.  You settle for more stuff at a cheaper price rather than one thing of value.  You do not see that you are a person of value and worth.

Recently the Lord asked me to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves.  People that have been abused are so intimidated by lies and deception that they have no voice.  I would be that voice today.  If that is you, know that I care, God cares more than anyone person could.  He also has the power to set the captive free.-

It is time for the abused to realize that though the world has dealt them a bad hand, God was not in it.  God is good.  Every evil thing that we experience is because we live in a fallen world, there is an adversary, and we make bad choices.

The world needs to wake up.  People are exploited for many reasons.  There are some who are involved in stopping sex trafficking.  There are some who are now talking about white slavery and prostitution.   Others are talking about the abduction of people by the occult for the purposes of ritual sacrifice.

This area is not status quo.  It is not comfortable.  It is messy and it is dirty.  We must wake up.

There are forces and powers of the kingdom of darkness, by the Luciferians, for instance, who buy, sell and steal children for their blood to be used on their altars of ritual sacrifice.

God cares, do we?

Recently, a case of a missing child was supposedly closed.  But, it was not closed really.  A fabrication was put forth and it gained a lot of media attention and people were glad that it was solved.  I was told by the Lord that this child was taken for ritual sacrifice.  Cover-up is a tool of the kingdom of darkness.  But, God sees.  There is a judgment for it.

So friends, I trust that I have stirred the pot a bit today, perhaps even woke some of you up to the prevailing, pervasive lies and deception that surround abuse in our society.  There are so many areas where this prevails and many stories could be told.  Both the high life and the low life are affected by abuse, it has a long arm.

What I am saying through all of this is be aware.  Be compassionate with people who seem hard to get along with, they may be carrying a heavy burden from the past.  Love people to life.  If you are a believer in Jesus and you know that you have been forgiven, then forgive as you have been forgiven.

God so loved the world that He gave His Son to be the Savior of the world.  Many, but not all, will receive Him and begin the process of preparation for eternity with God forever. In the meantime, we are ambassadors for the Kingdom of God, we must represent our King to a lost and dying world.  If not us then who?

Many need a touch from God; a hand on the shoulder says a lot to someone who is struggling with self-worth.  A listening ear for someone who is in need of letting out the “stuff” that is in their soul, not judging, criticizing, or condemning them, but understanding that “there but for the grace of God go I”.

Jesus walked among us as a human man with the love of God radiating from Him.  Moved with compassion He healed the sick and diseased, set free captives.  He caused the lame to walk and the blind to see.  God longs for each of His children to do what His Son did.  That we cannot do so has been the biggest lie ever perpetrated upon humanity.

There will come a time when we will do what He did and greater things than that will we do because He went to the Father and there He lives to make intercession for us.  There will come a day when God will do what He promised He would do, He will pour out of His Spirit upon all flesh and a great harvest of souls will come into the Kingdom of God.  What a day that will be.  It will be a quick work and then there will be a separation that takes place.

God bless you today with His love and His liberty.  May you be healed and delivered from all that oppresses you.  May you know the love of God that passes all understanding.  Nothing is too hard for God, only believe.

Love, Joy















A Marriage Made in Heaven

Karmen married young.  She met Danny her Sophomore year in high school.  She fell head over heels in love with him.  Her parents did not approve of the relationship, they felt that he was not good for her, but she would not listen to them.  They forbade her to see him so she sneaked out when they were asleep.  It was not long before she was pregnant and they had no choice but to allow them to marry.

From the start it was not a good marriage, because the base of the marriage was physical.  Kurt had no real love for Karmen, he treated her like his slave.  He felt that he was trapped and shortly after the marriage he began to resent her.

Karmen stayed with him many years and for all of those years suffered much abuse.  There were six children born.  Finally, the abuse that she suffered was so great she could not handle it any more and sought help.  It was at this point of brokenness that she divorced Danny, she received Jesus as her Savior and began the process of rebuilding her life and the lives of her children.  He walked out of their lives, never looking back.

She worked hard to maintain life for herself and the children.  She got help from her parents, when they could, and the church also helped occasionally.  As most single mothers know, it is near impossible to parent your children and work at a job outside the home.  Something, someone suffers, in this case, the children were left alone with the older siblings as soon as the siblings reached their teen years.  Unfortunately, teen-age children do not have the wisdom, to raise children and bad habit patterns were formed.

Karmen would come home tired from work and have to deal with situations that arose during the day.  She loves the Lord and is a diligent person; she worked with the kids the best she could, but working to support the children and parenting alone is difficult.

In time, Karmen met a man at church.  He was a wonderfully kind man, a good man, and they began to see each other, eventually becoming engaged to be married.  The children loved him and all were looking forward to his being their father.  But it was not to be, and the engagement was broken.  The older children had been moving toward God and looking to Him, but when this happened they turned from God in anger.

Sometime later, Karmen met Kurt.  It seemed an ideal match. Kurt loved the Lord and was a worshiper, as she was.  Both of them were divorced.  His wife had an affair and no longer wanted to be married to him.  They began to see each other and soon were engaged.  The wedding took place at church in the presence of those who loved them and longed for them to be happy and raise their children.  Alas, there is no happy ending to this story.  The divorce is imminent.

As I considered all that I know of the situation, the names changed to protect them, I know that it was God’s will for them to marry.  There is no question in my mind of that fact.  I have embellished the details of this story, because I don’t know much about their lives prior to their meeting.  Along with me, many were surprised that there was “trouble in Paradise”, they were so happy at the beginning,

I have asked God what happened and why this took place.  Many years ago I had a dream of the church; the church began in the Spirit but it has ended up in the flesh (having a form of religion but denying the power thereof.).  In other words, the church went from relationship with Jesus to religion.  Carnality set in.  A bond-slave of the Lord is sold out to God, Jesus is Lord of all and Holy Spirit is resident manager.  Romans 6-8 is the pattern.  “The good that I would, I do not and the evil that I would not, that I do.” …Sandy foundation, not rock solid!

This morning the Lord told me to read the story of Hosea and Gomer.  Hosea was a faithful godly man,  Gomer was a harlot.  God told Hosea, “Go take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children with her, for the land commits great whoredom by departing from the Lord.” CH.1: 2  It’s a picture of how much God loves mankind, that He would reach down into the most sinful messes of mankind to retrieve us.

God speaks to Israel through Hosea, showing them that they have taken the good things that He gave them and used them without acknowledging that it all came from Him.  He sees this as whoredom, harlotry.  He says, “Therefore, behold, I the Lord God will hedge up her way with thorns and I will build a wall against her that she shall not find her paths”. CH. 2:6  Judgment comes and you will wander in the wilderness until you can see, then repentance and restoration come.  “I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly to he heart.”  CH 2:14

Jesus is a faithful husband, who has given His life for His bride.  Hosea was a faithful husband. When Gomer left him and was sold into slavery, he was commanded to buy her back, bring her home, forgive her and love her.  Jesus and Hosea loved even though in the natural realm it appeared that the bride was not what she should be and it would have been easy to walk away.

Jesus was asked about divorce and He made it clear that God hates divorce; when He was pressed, He gave only one reason for it under the law of Moses.  God allowed divorce only for adultery.

God divorced the northern kingdom of Israel because of harlotry and eventually did the same with Judah.  But, God is not a god of judgment.  He hates sin and must judge it; He loves reconciliation and restoration.  Wherever there is judgment in scripture, there is always recovery and restoration, it is God’s nature to love and love reconciles.

When Jesus taught the people He used parables to paint a picture they could understand.  These two people, Karmen and Kurt, are a living picture of Jesus and His love for His bride (His plan) and it is a picture of how His church (religion) treats the Bride of Christ.  Jesus loves no matter what and always seeks recovery and restoration, religion always denigrates, judges, condemns and abandons.

Scripture makes it plain that anyone who “calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”.  Jesus will hear and answer a sincerely repentant heart.  Sadly, self-centered mankind must go through much suffering before abandoning their own will and turning to the will of God.

Today is the day of salvation, this is the hour for repentance from dead works.  Soon, no one will be able to walk with one foot in the world and the other in the Kingdom of God.  The separation between the “wheat and the tares” is coming.  Where will you be?

Moses stood at the base of the mountain where God had just given him the ten commandments, he saw the revelry, the carnality, the idolatry of Israel; in anger he threw down the tablets.  He said, “Who is on the Lord’s side?  Come to me.”  Are you on the Lord’s side today?

Judgment is in the land and it will begin with the house of God.  There will be a mighty move of the Spirit of God among the people of God.  There is a price to pay.  Anything of value costs a lot.  Are you willing to pay the price?

My prayer is that anyone who reads this will make a firm decision to “follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”

You are loved…Joy


According to Webster’s dictionary abuse is defined as: maltreat, misuse, violate, improper treatment…to name just a few.

This morning I read a blog about a woman with several small children who lived in mortal fear of her then ex-husband. One Christmas morning, they packed up a meager amount of belongings, each child took one toy and they left. With God’s help, and the help of caring people, she was able to put the terror she had lived in behind her. Today she lives to help other women and children who are in the place she and her children were.

My question is: What about her/their abuser? God, does he pay? I will answer my own question. Yes, he pays. The Bible says: “Some men’s sins go before and some men’s sins follow after.” This means some people pay in the here and now for their abusive activity and others will face God’s verdict on the day they stand before Him for judgment.

This meditation of abuse, and what is abuse, began for me several years ago. You see, back in my day, the days of my childhood, there were things that happened that were not considered to be abuse. Let me give you an example: My friends and I had been invited to a birthday party at one of our friends home. We were in the 9th grade. We sat on the floor in a circle, playing a game, my friend’s father came in and sat behind one of the girls, he leaned over her and touched her breasts; I am sure he did not think this was wrong. His thought was probably something like this: “Oh, isn’t she cute, her small breasts are so cute.” By the way, his wife was full-breasted.

Nothing was said, nothing was done about this violation. Years later she and I talked about the incident and how it made her feel. How many times does something like this happen to girls, to women, by men, or boys, who think nothing of it. But, to the girl, the woman, it is violation of her person-hood.

The other day some of my friends and I were talking about the way girls dress today. The low necklines, the short skirts…seem to be an invitation to “reach out and touch”. When a girl is innocent, that is, she has not yet been violated, she wants to be “trendy”, she wants to “look nice” and because she is inexperienced she has no idea that her manner or style of dress is inappropriate. And, if she does not have caring parents that will guide her in style, she becomes a target.

Many a young girl has been date raped and when confronted the boy says she wanted it, that it was consensual. There are times when a girl feels unloved or unlovely and she thinks that because the boy says he loves her it is okay to have sex. She has yet to realize the difference between the sexes. To say the least, in this area, we are wired differently.

I have had some experiences that have affected the sexual area of my life. One such time was at a family function; when I walked into the room where all the family were sitting, a male family member slapped me on the butt. Over the years this man has made lewd comments and exhibited sexual behavior toward me.

A female will feel dirty after a sexual violation because there is an unclean evil spirit behind this behavior. This is also the reason when a young girl has sex the first time, whether consensual or by rape, she feels dirty and the first thing she wants to do is take a shower.

It seems to be natural for a male to view a female as a sex object. Females do not think of themselves as objects, nor do they think of a male as an object to be used and then set aside until the need arises again.

God designed us to be sexual beings, to enjoy sex in marriage so that the race could be perpetuated and sex would comfort us and bring us together as a couple. However, the enemy of our souls is a pervert and this area is one area that perversion seems to be the norm rather than God’s way of doing and being right. However, where there is mutual respect, love and caring of the other, sex becomes a precious time of giving yourself and sharing the mutual love you have for each other, in other words, it is a blessing that affects your entire life.

As age comes on us, and it will on every person, this area changes along with every other area of our natural life. Some people are sexually active well into old age and others remain attentive and affectionate with each other without it. The bottom line for human sexuality should be genuine love and consideration for your mate, not selfishness, not “My needs” must be met.

We are in a time of transition now, a time of shifting. Such times have happened in the past, many times, and with the shift change comes. The world we live in, at least here in America, has shifted politically with the last election. But, human government is not the ruler of the world, as some would have us believe. God is the ruler of it all and He is the one who, “Raises up and takes down kings.”

What God does is not always understood, but why should it be? If we can confine God to our thinking He is too small. In general, the body of Messiah believes that we are fast approaching the end of the church age. Some have said that when Billy Graham goes on Home that this will be a sign that this shift has taken place, God knows.

We can daily see and we know that the Mid-East region is getting hotter by the day and many expect there will be war by Spring. One of these days, God will show up to defend Israel. The Bible declares it. When Jerusalem becomes “a cup of trembling” for the whole world we will see Him come to her rescue.

There are many forms of abuse as I stated when I began this article. Abuse is the improper treatment or application to a wrong purpose, or abuse of our natural powers, civil rights, advantages, and privileges. People and nations abuse others. World powers abuse each other. But, when all is said and done, abuse is about usurping power over someone or some country. Power is the issue behind abuse.

The issue of abuse all boils down to the conflict that began between God and Lucifer, the light bearer, when he coveted the power of God and was kicked out of Heaven. He is still wanting, still working to get, still trying to steal, the power and praise that is God’s alone.

Power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Lucifer, called satan and the devil, seeks God’s absolute power, and for a time it will appear that he has won it. The power that satan has in and over this world is absolutely corrupt and can be seen everywhere that control over another person or nation is exhibited.

Ultimately, abuse is about power, it is about control. God made human beings to walk in liberty and freedom and that can only be attained by being in relationship with God through Jesus the Messiah.

If you recognize that you have been an abuser, repent to God and ask His forgiveness, He will forgive you and restore you to wholeness as you follow Him. If you have been abused come to God with your brokenness and allow Him to bring healing to you. God loves you, we are all sinners until we come to Jesus for forgiveness; through Him we are made “white as snow”.

God bless you is my prayer,