Katrina was the only girl in a family of four. Her brothers were all favored by their dad. She longed for favor from him too.
As a little girl her mother dressed her in clothes that her grandmother made out of feed sacks. Katrina came to hate home-made clothes and longed for store-bought clothes.
When she became an adult Katrina exerted her independence, choosing pants and baggy tops instead of dresses or a skirt and blouse.
When Katrina was 14 years old her father began to molest her. This was not the attention that she wanted from him, but she felt trapped, unable to fight back. She said nothing about it to anyone for over 20 years.
When I met her, she was a tightly held, reserved woman who rarely, if ever, divulged a thought about anything.
Intimidation is an interesting subject. Because first of all, the person who has been intimidated as a child does not know that they are bound up, they are coping as best they know how to.
Secondly, if that intimidation has come as a result of sexual abuse as a child, the bondage goes very deep into the soul. It is like a giant tree that overshadows the whole life of the person.
There is in the person a “fight back” or “push back” reaction when anyone tries to bring constructive criticism designed to help them to be free. And this is very hard to overcome, in fact, the only thing that can set them free is the love of God.
I know that I am loved by God, but accepting the love of other people and being able to trust them was a difficult thing for me. I was thinking this morning about some things from my own childhood.
My grandmother took me into her home when I was 8 years old and raised me until I graduated from high school at 18. Then, my aunt got me a job at the bank that she had worked at as a young lady. I had no self-esteem. I longed to be loved and accepted.
I was managed by my uncle. He became the father figure in my life. It was a love hate relationship. As a young man in his “twenties”, he was not prepared for parenting and especially not parenting a strong-willed child. His method was to “crush” whatever rebellion he saw in me.
I was physically abused as a young child and there was some sexual abuse as well, but nothing in that time that would have been thought of as sexual abuse. The result was that I grew up to be an angry person easily intimidated by anyone with authority.
Today we see sexual abuse spoken of freely in the media. But, very little is done to help those who have been victims of it. Rather, they are exploited to tell their story and they are paid well to do so, in some cases. However, most of those who have been subjected to sexual abuse do not want to talk about it.
In my case, I did not tell anyone my experiences until just a few years ago and I am at this time 80 years of age.
As a young girl I was invited to stay overnight at a classmates home. I loved to do that as I did not live in a normal home with a mother and father. However, that visit was just part of the pain I experienced as a child. When we got into the bed the girl placed her hand on my genitals. It freaked me out. Obviously, I never went there again.
There were things during my childhood that were thought to be “cute”, such as touching the genitals of a baby while changing a diaper, or an adult fondling the breast of a young teen-ager. Or “planting a kiss” on your mouth in the presence of your friends that embarrassed you mightily. None of these things were considered sexual abuse at that time and yet they left scars on the soul. You were interfered with as one writer said.
In one culture the men in the family, whether fathers, brothers, uncles or grandpas sexually abuse the girls. I was told that few of the women have not experienced sexual abuse and physical abuse by the men in the family.
I would hazard a guess that most people have been subjected to sexual abuse in some form or other. I suggest that most people have experienced some kind of physical abuse as well. But the most difficult of all is the mental abuse, the intimidation and other lies that we all face as we grow up, these stay with us into adulthood. Our character is formed through the experiences that we have. It affects not only our mind, but also our will and our emotions.
Dr. Seuss wrote a book called, “Old Hat, New Hat”, it is the story of someone who goes into a hat store wearing an old hat. He wants to get a new hat, but every hat he tries has something wrong with it and in the end he walks out wearing his old hat declaring that it is just right.
It is easy to get comfortable in your skin, even though you have experienced abuse. You settle for living below your privilege. This settling is usually across the board in your experiences. Your attitude is really “less than”. You settle for less than the salary you are really worth. You settle for more stuff at a cheaper price rather than one thing of value. You do not see that you are a person of value and worth.
Recently the Lord asked me to be a voice for those who cannot speak for themselves. People that have been abused are so intimidated by lies and deception that they have no voice. I would be that voice today. If that is you, know that I care, God cares more than anyone person could. He also has the power to set the captive free.-
It is time for the abused to realize that though the world has dealt them a bad hand, God was not in it. God is good. Every evil thing that we experience is because we live in a fallen world, there is an adversary, and we make bad choices.
The world needs to wake up. People are exploited for many reasons. There are some who are involved in stopping sex trafficking. There are some who are now talking about white slavery and prostitution. Others are talking about the abduction of people by the occult for the purposes of ritual sacrifice.
This area is not status quo. It is not comfortable. It is messy and it is dirty. We must wake up.
There are forces and powers of the kingdom of darkness, by the Luciferians, for instance, who buy, sell and steal children for their blood to be used on their altars of ritual sacrifice.
God cares, do we?
Recently, a case of a missing child was supposedly closed. But, it was not closed really. A fabrication was put forth and it gained a lot of media attention and people were glad that it was solved. I was told by the Lord that this child was taken for ritual sacrifice. Cover-up is a tool of the kingdom of darkness. But, God sees. There is a judgment for it.
So friends, I trust that I have stirred the pot a bit today, perhaps even woke some of you up to the prevailing, pervasive lies and deception that surround abuse in our society. There are so many areas where this prevails and many stories could be told. Both the high life and the low life are affected by abuse, it has a long arm.
What I am saying through all of this is be aware. Be compassionate with people who seem hard to get along with, they may be carrying a heavy burden from the past. Love people to life. If you are a believer in Jesus and you know that you have been forgiven, then forgive as you have been forgiven.
God so loved the world that He gave His Son to be the Savior of the world. Many, but not all, will receive Him and begin the process of preparation for eternity with God forever. In the meantime, we are ambassadors for the Kingdom of God, we must represent our King to a lost and dying world. If not us then who?
Many need a touch from God; a hand on the shoulder says a lot to someone who is struggling with self-worth. A listening ear for someone who is in need of letting out the “stuff” that is in their soul, not judging, criticizing, or condemning them, but understanding that “there but for the grace of God go I”.
Jesus walked among us as a human man with the love of God radiating from Him. Moved with compassion He healed the sick and diseased, set free captives. He caused the lame to walk and the blind to see. God longs for each of His children to do what His Son did. That we cannot do so has been the biggest lie ever perpetrated upon humanity.
There will come a time when we will do what He did and greater things than that will we do because He went to the Father and there He lives to make intercession for us. There will come a day when God will do what He promised He would do, He will pour out of His Spirit upon all flesh and a great harvest of souls will come into the Kingdom of God. What a day that will be. It will be a quick work and then there will be a separation that takes place.
God bless you today with His love and His liberty. May you be healed and delivered from all that oppresses you. May you know the love of God that passes all understanding. Nothing is too hard for God, only believe.