Tag Archive | divorce


Divorce is a cancer upon the world.  There is no good that can come of it because it always divides and subtracts from the people involved.  Children pay the heaviest price.  This subject is heavy on my heart this morning.

Having said that, God can make a mess into a message and a test into a testimony.  I have heard and read many stories affirming this truth and my own marriage is a testimony of it.  I have friends for whom this is also true.

Please take some time to look up these scriptures in the Bible.  I suggest the Message Bible as a very readable, understandable version.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.  Genesis 1:1

Let us make man after our own image in our likeness.  Genesis 1:26

From the dust of the ground God made man and breathed into him the breath of life. Genesis 2:6-7

No suitable helper was found. God put man into a deep sleep, making a woman for the man out of his side.  Genesis 2:18

For the hardness of your hearts man was allowed to divorce his wife.  Matthew 19:1-12  Romans 7:3

Jesus said, “From the beginning it was not so.”  Matthew 19:8  I Corinthians 7:2

Man was created first, then woman.  I Corinthians 11:3, 8-12     I Peter 3:17

Submit one to another in the fear of the Lord.  Ephesians 5: 21-33

Divorce happens because of self-centeredness.  Each person doing what is right in his or her own eyes.  Proverbs 30:12

Does that mean that there are no reasons for divorce.  Certainly not.

God allows divorce because of adultery.  Though not clearly spoken in scripture, God does not condone one person abusing another.  But, that does not mean that in every case of abuse or adultery God wants a woman or man to depart.  God treats every person as an individual.

Define abuse.  Abuse can be physical, mental or spiritual.  When would God have you stay, when depart?  If your life is in danger, depart.  If your children are in danger, depart.

A friend of mine has stayed with a husband who is verbally abusive and now she has been diagnosed as mentally ill.  She left once and went back, in my opinion she should have never gone back.  I believe it was fear that gripped her and this opened a door to the dark side.  Though she claimed to be a Christian her husband became her idol.

My sister has been with a verbally abusive man for over 50 years.  He has little education but an outgoing personality that has gotten him by in life.  His weakness is putting her down to lift himself up.  In spite of this she loves him and believes that God has told her to stay.  The words he uses have caused her to turn to the Lord for comfort and strength, and He gives it to her.  He also blesses her in many other ways for staying the course.                  I Corinthians 7:16

The Bible tells us that a wife may win her husband to the Lord by her godly respectful behavior.  Surely God puts up with irreverent, ungodly sinners, sometimes for many years before they are won over by His love.  Earth life is short compared to eternity.

At this moment one of my sons is involved in divorce proceedings.  I believe that God chose this woman for my son.  That being said, the Bible says this:   “Many are called but few are chosen.”  I know that is not talking specifically about marriage and divorce, but the principle is there.  God calls some to be married, they can choose to do so or not.  Once married they are called to stay married to their spouse.

God has given each person a will.  We make decisions every day that affect our destiny.  God will never superimpose His will upon anyone, though He has the power and authority to do so.  God is love, and true love thinks of what is best for the loved one.  God often allows what He does not condone.

Self-centeredness:  “It is all about what I want.  Others exist to do my will.  If you don’t do what I want, I have the right to throw you away.  Life is about me being happy.  If I am not happy then you won’t be either.”  Plainly put:  God is not in it, it is idolatry, you are sitting on the throne of your life, you are your own god.

God has a way for marriage that transcends the world’s way of doing and being.  Like the salvation of a soul, it requires a death, death to selfishness, for God’s way of doing is loving your mate, giving of yourself, your time, to be a blessing to him or her.  In so doing, you will receive the blessing of the Lord yourself.

Someone said that God puts people in marriage to kill them.  I agree, because if you don’t die to self-will, you cannot stay married long.

The world’s way of marriage looks like this:  Each person finds someone who will make them feel good, feel completed.  Some want their spouse to do what they do, like what they like or go where they go.  In other words, to be just like them.  God did not create Adam and Adama.  He created man and wom(b)man for the purpose of taking care of the earth, populating it, enjoying each other and enjoying being in His presence.

God, in His written word, specifically tells a believer not to marry someone who does not believe in Jesus as the way of salvation, the way to God, the way to Heaven at death.  Why?  Because they are two different operating systems.

Does this mean then that if two people are Christians and they marry that they will not have any problem.  Absolutely not!  There may, in fact, be more.  The reason is that we live in a fallen world, a world where every man does what is right in his own eyes, a world where God has been put on the shelf or shoved out of His rightful place, thus the adversary of God will target the true believer, he will attack anything of God that looks like it may be successful.

Divorce in the church today is nearly equal to that of the world.  It ought not to be.  The handbook for believers, the Bible, clearly spells out God’s will for marriage.  Then why is divorce accepted among Christians?  My simple answer is because the Bible is not relevant to them or their lives.

As I said, we have arrived at the time when Truth has become irrelevant because each man is doing what is right in his own eyes.  This opens the door for all manner of evil to prevail.  Wrong becomes right, light becomes dark and good becomes evil.

What then shall we say of these things?  God have mercy upon us, forgive us for our self-centered way of doing and being and lead us into your truth, your way of doing and being right!  Amen.

Friend, please know that I bring no condemnation to you or upon you.  It’s just that I am grieved over the hardness of heart that I see around me.  God forgives any who call upon the name of Jesus.  I have a personal knowledge of this.  If you have been divorced, put away, God loves you and there is healing in Him.  Run to Him, He will receive you and love you to life.

This spring my husband and I will have been married for 53 years.  My husband’s first wife divorced him, put him away, for another man, and I had never been married, nor had I ever had a relationship with a man.  We did not know how to be married; we were flawed people who wanted to be loved and accepted, but neither of us was equipped.  We lived together for 35 years walking on parallel paths. I rejoice to tell you that we learned that only in relationship with Jesus are we loved and accepted.  This has brought us contentment with and happiness with each other.

Marriage is mixing everything together so that you cannot find the separate entity anymore.  Somehow you become one and yet retain your individuality.  It is a mystery when it is done God’s way.  And, it is wonderful.  Is it a piece of cake?  No!  You have to work at it.

We “keep short accounts”.  We don’t let offenses go and allow them to fester, we don’t allow divisive thoughts to continue, we communicate and solve issues.  We don’t speak evil to each other or of each other to another person.  We don’t focus on each others shortcomings, we focus on those things that we do well, or for each other.  As I was taught in Lutheran confirmation regarding others:  “Put the best construction on all that he does.”

My prayer for you if you have experienced the pain of divorce is healing in Jesus.  I also hope this has provided some food for thought.

God bless you, Joy











A Marriage Made in Heaven

Karmen married young.  She met Danny her Sophomore year in high school.  She fell head over heels in love with him.  Her parents did not approve of the relationship, they felt that he was not good for her, but she would not listen to them.  They forbade her to see him so she sneaked out when they were asleep.  It was not long before she was pregnant and they had no choice but to allow them to marry.

From the start it was not a good marriage, because the base of the marriage was physical.  Kurt had no real love for Karmen, he treated her like his slave.  He felt that he was trapped and shortly after the marriage he began to resent her.

Karmen stayed with him many years and for all of those years suffered much abuse.  There were six children born.  Finally, the abuse that she suffered was so great she could not handle it any more and sought help.  It was at this point of brokenness that she divorced Danny, she received Jesus as her Savior and began the process of rebuilding her life and the lives of her children.  He walked out of their lives, never looking back.

She worked hard to maintain life for herself and the children.  She got help from her parents, when they could, and the church also helped occasionally.  As most single mothers know, it is near impossible to parent your children and work at a job outside the home.  Something, someone suffers, in this case, the children were left alone with the older siblings as soon as the siblings reached their teen years.  Unfortunately, teen-age children do not have the wisdom, to raise children and bad habit patterns were formed.

Karmen would come home tired from work and have to deal with situations that arose during the day.  She loves the Lord and is a diligent person; she worked with the kids the best she could, but working to support the children and parenting alone is difficult.

In time, Karmen met a man at church.  He was a wonderfully kind man, a good man, and they began to see each other, eventually becoming engaged to be married.  The children loved him and all were looking forward to his being their father.  But it was not to be, and the engagement was broken.  The older children had been moving toward God and looking to Him, but when this happened they turned from God in anger.

Sometime later, Karmen met Kurt.  It seemed an ideal match. Kurt loved the Lord and was a worshiper, as she was.  Both of them were divorced.  His wife had an affair and no longer wanted to be married to him.  They began to see each other and soon were engaged.  The wedding took place at church in the presence of those who loved them and longed for them to be happy and raise their children.  Alas, there is no happy ending to this story.  The divorce is imminent.

As I considered all that I know of the situation, the names changed to protect them, I know that it was God’s will for them to marry.  There is no question in my mind of that fact.  I have embellished the details of this story, because I don’t know much about their lives prior to their meeting.  Along with me, many were surprised that there was “trouble in Paradise”, they were so happy at the beginning,

I have asked God what happened and why this took place.  Many years ago I had a dream of the church; the church began in the Spirit but it has ended up in the flesh (having a form of religion but denying the power thereof.).  In other words, the church went from relationship with Jesus to religion.  Carnality set in.  A bond-slave of the Lord is sold out to God, Jesus is Lord of all and Holy Spirit is resident manager.  Romans 6-8 is the pattern.  “The good that I would, I do not and the evil that I would not, that I do.” …Sandy foundation, not rock solid!

This morning the Lord told me to read the story of Hosea and Gomer.  Hosea was a faithful godly man,  Gomer was a harlot.  God told Hosea, “Go take to yourself a wife of harlotry and have children with her, for the land commits great whoredom by departing from the Lord.” CH.1: 2  It’s a picture of how much God loves mankind, that He would reach down into the most sinful messes of mankind to retrieve us.

God speaks to Israel through Hosea, showing them that they have taken the good things that He gave them and used them without acknowledging that it all came from Him.  He sees this as whoredom, harlotry.  He says, “Therefore, behold, I the Lord God will hedge up her way with thorns and I will build a wall against her that she shall not find her paths”. CH. 2:6  Judgment comes and you will wander in the wilderness until you can see, then repentance and restoration come.  “I will allure her and bring her into the wilderness, and I will speak tenderly to he heart.”  CH 2:14

Jesus is a faithful husband, who has given His life for His bride.  Hosea was a faithful husband. When Gomer left him and was sold into slavery, he was commanded to buy her back, bring her home, forgive her and love her.  Jesus and Hosea loved even though in the natural realm it appeared that the bride was not what she should be and it would have been easy to walk away.

Jesus was asked about divorce and He made it clear that God hates divorce; when He was pressed, He gave only one reason for it under the law of Moses.  God allowed divorce only for adultery.

God divorced the northern kingdom of Israel because of harlotry and eventually did the same with Judah.  But, God is not a god of judgment.  He hates sin and must judge it; He loves reconciliation and restoration.  Wherever there is judgment in scripture, there is always recovery and restoration, it is God’s nature to love and love reconciles.

When Jesus taught the people He used parables to paint a picture they could understand.  These two people, Karmen and Kurt, are a living picture of Jesus and His love for His bride (His plan) and it is a picture of how His church (religion) treats the Bride of Christ.  Jesus loves no matter what and always seeks recovery and restoration, religion always denigrates, judges, condemns and abandons.

Scripture makes it plain that anyone who “calls on the name of the Lord will be saved”.  Jesus will hear and answer a sincerely repentant heart.  Sadly, self-centered mankind must go through much suffering before abandoning their own will and turning to the will of God.

Today is the day of salvation, this is the hour for repentance from dead works.  Soon, no one will be able to walk with one foot in the world and the other in the Kingdom of God.  The separation between the “wheat and the tares” is coming.  Where will you be?

Moses stood at the base of the mountain where God had just given him the ten commandments, he saw the revelry, the carnality, the idolatry of Israel; in anger he threw down the tablets.  He said, “Who is on the Lord’s side?  Come to me.”  Are you on the Lord’s side today?

Judgment is in the land and it will begin with the house of God.  There will be a mighty move of the Spirit of God among the people of God.  There is a price to pay.  Anything of value costs a lot.  Are you willing to pay the price?

My prayer is that anyone who reads this will make a firm decision to “follow Jesus, no turning back, no turning back.”

You are loved…Joy

Can you identify?

If I went by what I feel, I wouldn’t get out of bed in the morning some days. Paper bag days is what I call them, days when I cannot see past the end of my nose. Can you identify?

Life has a way of throwing curve balls at you when you are expecting and prepared for a slider. It is the unexpected that causes us to get off track. Can you identify?

In the last six months two people from my fellowship have been bereaved of their spouses, these folks had no clue that this was going to happen; it was sudden and unexpected. They are not there to share life with you any more. How do you recover from something so permanent? Can you identify?

Some spouses are living their lives, raising their children, doing the best they can, when one day their spouse announces, “I don’t love you and I want a divorce.” They did not see that coning and their world falls apart. Can you identify?

Your son is a patriot; because of his love for and commitment to America, he joined the armed forces to defend her. One day a soldier walks up to your door and tells you he was killed in battle. Memories flood your soul. He won’t be coming home. Can you identify?

Jesus said, “In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer for I have overcome the world.”

Unless you know that you know that God is good and there is no darkness in Him, you will not be able to overcome the dark emotions that flood your soul. The loss of a spouse or a child will seem like the end of the world…unless your trust is in God through Jesus. It is only through Him that you can reconcile the tragedy, the tribulation, the testing and the trouble that comes your way in this world.

We forget so quickly the peace, the joy, and the pleasures God provides for us when one of the big T’s come upon us and overtakes us. We are weak and prone to wander away from Him.

We humans are the same from the beginning in Eden and will be until the end when the Kingdom of God comes on earth as it is in Heaven. We need a Savior. Thank God for Jesus.

“Amazing love and can it be that you my God should die for me.”

Do we deny the hardship of betrayal or death? Absolutely not! Nor do we deny the hurt, the pain, and the grief that comes to all, the difference for those of us who are His sons and daughters is that we are not alone when we go through these things, we can choose to lean on, rely on and depend on the one who loved us so much that He gave His life for us.

“In this world…”, We are in this world, we will go through things because this world is not perfect, nor will it ever be perfect because everything here is only temporary. We will all die, we are all unfaithful to God our creator…but He is never unfaithful to us.

The confession of the Body of Messiah: “I believe in God the Father, the creator of the world and all things in it, I believe in God the Son, my Savior, who gave His life that I might have eternal life with Him, I believe in the Spirit of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, who has come to earth to make His home in me.”

I believe this, and as I meditate on it and confess it, my focus shifts from the natural to the spiritual. I am comforted because I am cared for, I can rest in His love for me and I am helped.

How about you? Can you identify? If you can’t, won’t you consider Jesus who left the splendor of Heaven, was born into a world torn by strife, who went about doing good, healing all who came to him oppressed by the devil; He was murdered, buried, descended into Hell and on the third day rose from the dead, He ascended into Heaven where He lives to intercede for His Body on the earth. He will return again to earth at the time set by the Father and those who are His will be gathered together and brought to Heaven.

Consider Jesus. He loves you. He cares what you are going through.

Great tribulation will begin once the people of God are removed. Scripture teaches it. It is the truth. The Great Tribulation will be a time of trouble upon the earth, such as has never been nor will ever be again, because the wrath of God will be poured out upon those who refuse to acknowledge that He is God. Is the fear of God in you? If it is not now it will be then.

Today is the day of salvation, if you have not received the greatest gift ever given why not now, why not today? He will hear your cry to Him and you will be changed in a moment, you will become a son of God. Reach out to Him, He is reaching out to you. Give Him all, He gave all for you.

Praying for you today…Joy

Levi’s Song

I want to tell you a story, the story of Levi, a child who is broken, confused and searching for love and acceptance.

Yesterday, on my way home from a visit to my spiritual son’s home, I stopped on the way to get some ice cream.  As I drove up to the call box, I gave my order to the voice on the other end.  As I approached the window to receive my order, a very young teen boy was there.  He had some piercings and was wearing a black shirt.  He had a wonderfully soft face, yet I saw and heard hurt and wounds in his soul, and that is what came from his mouth.

Levi had lived in another state, I would suppose with his mother, and in a small town.  I know what it is like to live in a small town, the town I grew up near was only 500 people and the critical, judgmental spirit was strong.  Everyone knew everyone’s business.  In fact, at that time we had a party line, so “snooping” was easy.  It seems that Levi had moved to our state to live with his Dad.

I mentioned to him where I lived, which is a big metro area, and that opened a door for our conversation to begin.  Perhaps it should be said that I am a grandma and maybe that is why he opened up to me, or it could be many other reasons, but once the door opened Levi’s thoughts and feelings came pouring out.

Where Levi used to live, people would condemn him for how he looked and how he dressed.  He said that he used to have long hair and dyed it black.  My guess is that he liked the Gothic look.  People in his old town would tell him to kill himself;  he said they should just get to know him and then judge, that he was a nice person.

How often do we “judge a book by its cover”?  Are we not all guilty of this in one way or another?  Yet, there is only one judge who is right 100% of the time and that is God, the righteous judge.  Scripture says that man looks at the outside but God looks at the heart.

The sad thing about Levi’s song is that he is singing and no one appears to be listening.

He told me in response to my statement that God loves him, that he did not believe in God, because he used to go to church and pray to God and He never answered.  Do I understand?  Oh yes, I have felt that way in the past.

The saddest thing is that God is singing over Levi, but he can’t hear it.  The Bible says that God sings over us, rejoices in us and rests in His love for us.  This is recorded in Zephaniah 3:17, the old covenant, the law and the prophets, through the blood of animals.  Today we have a better covenant based upon better promises and this is through the blood of Jesus, God’s Son, which was shed for us, if we will but receive it and Him for ourselves…but if you have never heard this good news, you will walk in the darkness of your soul instead of the light of God’s love for you.

God is not dead!  Nor is He on vacation or asleep.  He is actively pursuing people, sending messengers to those who are searching for Him, to those who don’t know that He is the only one who will satisfy the longing they have, He is the only one who accepts us as we are and still invites us to grow.

We are not robots, God gave us a will so that we can choose our path in life.  His desire is that we come to know Him and love Him enough to trust Him and follow where He leads.  Jesus is the Good Shepherd, this cannot be said of many under-shepherds of today.  Many of them fleece the flock, taking their wool and leaving them naked and alone, making them slaves to their “ministry”.  God is not like them.

Levi has an aunt who cares about him and has been sharing with him some God thoughts.  This was a great encouragement to me as he told me that he has had suicidal thoughts.  Mankind has an enemy and he is God’s enemy.  His avowed purpose is to steal, kill and destroy; he is doing exactly that right now, seemingly without interference.

But, this I know.  God is patient, kind and long-suffering.  He takes no pleasure in the harm His enemy afflicts people with, however, He has given the earth to man-kind and by His own decree will not violate the will of a man.  You can choose to go into the Kingdom of God through the blood of Jesus or you can choose the kingdom of darkness through the enemy of God.  He will let you do what you want to do.

Recently, I have been seeing the word HOPE everywhere, perhaps because it seems so hopeless in the world of men.  If we only listen to the news, the media output, it is easy to be hopeless.  But God…….   God has a plan and that plan has been, is and will be fulfilled.  Man cannot alter that plan, but rather, everything, every choice that man makes will be used by God for the good of those who love Him, and for fulfillment of  God’s  plan.

It is sin, rebellion against God, that causes the misery and heartache in the world.  Divorce produces broken children, most of the time.  More often than not, divorce is caused by self-centeredness, and children are the ones that suffer, in one way or another.  I believe that is what happened to Levi.

How many Levi’s are there?  How many wounded people go on to hurt and wound others?  Someone said that most of the people in prison come from broken homes.  I don’t know, but I would not be surprised.

Every human being wants to be loved and accepted, whether they know it or not, God created us that way.  If we can’t get it from God or other people we will find a way to get it somewhere; very often that is why people will get a pet.  The unconditional love of a dog has comforted many people.  Some people turn to food, alcohol, illicit sex, drugs, money, religion, cigarettes etc., for the comfort they need, we seek something to fill that void inside.

The problem is:  The Holy Spirit of God is the only one that will fit in that void, everything else is a temporary fix.  But, you won’t know that until you have had the experience.

Well dear reader, I encourage you to not be afraid, uncomforted and lonely, for your help is found in relationship with your creator.  He loves you with an unending love.

I pray that God will help Levi find Him, finding him.  God bless your day!


Sierra’s Song

Sierra is from a broken home.   If some thing is broken, most of the time it is pretty hard to fix, and there are times when it is broken beyond repair.  Such was the case in Sierra’s family.  There was no remedy or repair possible for her parents marriage.

The divorce  happened when Sierra was a junior in high school and she wondered if it might have been her fault.  She wondered if her Mom had a boy-friend or her Dad had a girl-friend.  But, she really did not know or understand why it happened until later.  But it had a tremendous impact on her young life.

One of the things that happened to Sierra as a result of the break up was that she began to be a caretaker.  It became her responsibility to take care of her siblings, since she was the oldest child of five.  There were four girls and one boy in the family.

When she graduated from high school, instead of going off to a four-year college or university, she enrolled in a tech. school to learn computer programming.  She was able to take her classes at night, and even though it took longer to get a degree, she was able to fulfill her responsibility to her siblings while pursing a career for herself.

Now you may wonder where her mother was all this time, well, one of the reasons for the break up of the marriage was that her mother had a nervous breakdown and was hospitalized for a month.  She was then put into a group home for another three months, yet it took years for her to fully recover.  Nowadays, having acquired a degree in psychology and having become a licesensed minister, she helps others find their way out of bondage.

Sierra’s Dad was a controller.  You may have heard the term micro-manager, well he micro-managed his wife until it drove her to a breakdown.  He would leave for work and tell her what he wanted done during the day and when he came home at night if it wasn’t done, there was hell to pay.  Eventually,  she couldn’t even think right.  Over the years of abuse she lost herself.

Sierra is very much like her Dad, they understand each other, consequently, when her Mom fell apart, Sierra just picked up her mother’s responsibilities and went with it.  And, because she is like her Dad, she did it the way he wanted it done and they were both satisfied with the arrangement.  They remain on friendly terms today.

You may wonder how I know so much about this situation, well, I met Sierra at church and we became friendly.  I quickly discovered that she loved to talk and she loved to tell people what to do and when to do it.

You should know that I went through a period of time when a friend, I thought she was my friend, controlled me for almost a year; it was the most miserable year of my life.  I vowed when I came to myself that I would never let anyone do that to me again.

So today when we were helping Sierra’s mother move, I saw first hand the family dynamics and let me tell you, it wasn’t pretty!  Her Dad walked in and announced that he was the ex-husband and demanded to know where her mother was.  Wow!  Between Sierra and him things moved quickly and peace flew out the window.

Sierra has no idea what she is doing, she really believes that she is doing good.  From her point of view, everything that she does for and with her mother is for her mother’s own good, and she does not realize that she is dishonoring, controlling and manipulating her.

So, at one point when she was fussing at her mother, telling her that they should move in together, I stood up to her and told her that her mother can make up her own mind without help from her.  As you can imagine this did not sit well.  She accused me of slandering her and told me that I simply did not understand the situation and that I had now ruined any chance of them moving in together.  Wow, that’s heady stuff, I didn’t know I had that kind of power…….

Really?  I can clearly recognize when one person is trying to control and mnipulate another, even “For their own good”.

The human personality can be so deceived, as scripture says, “All the ways of a man are right in his own eyes, but the Lord tries the heart.”  How true!

Sierra was young when her family was broken and because of that, and her life experience since then, she has a lot of hurt and many open wounds in her soul.   She is an angry young woman.  When I told her mother what she said to me, she told me that Sierra cannot take any criticism.

No doubt, as I was the brunt of her anger today for daring to tell her the truth, and she no doubt blamed me for hurting her when, according to her way of thinking, she was doing all of this for her mother’s own good.

Scripture truly says that “there is none good, no not one.”    It is God’s “chesed”, His  loving-kindness, that will heal those hurts and wounds, but we must realize that “in us, that is in our flesh, there dwells no good thing.”  Oh, that we would be able to live and move in the humility and compassion of Jesus as reflected in the gospels.

What happened today was an eye opener, in one sense.   Control and  manipulation is demeaning.  No doubt the controller would hate having it done to them, yet they are blind to their fault.  In fact, the friend I alluded to previously accused her sister of the very thing that she herself was doing.  How interesting!

Dearest Sierra, so many wonderful leadership qualities.  So capable, and yet so needy.

God, I pray that you will love Sierra to life, that she might wake up and put away the pride that parades itself as caring and yet demeans those who appear less worthy than herself.  Have mercy, oh Lord.   Amen!