Tag Archive | Insecurity

Rejection and Insecurity

Every person is born with a longing to belong.  Every person has an innate desire to share his time, his thoughts with someone.  Every person, every human being, every one has a need to be accepted and loved.  At some time in every life, a person will be rejected, will feel rejected, not accepted, not loved.  What does this lead to?  What happens within a person then?  That’s what I want to look at today.

Dr. James Dobson, the former head of Focus on the Family, worked at a hospital early in his career. The hospital’s director called a meeting one morning.  The room was full of women as Dr. Dobson walked in and took the end seat in the front row.  In the back of the room was a table with coffee and refreshments.  The women were all seated.

The director walked in and greeted everyone.  She laid out the format for the meeting, She said that they would have coffee first and then proceed.  Everyone was invited to go to the tables in the back of the room.  No one moved.  Dr. Dobson then said, “Thank you, I believe I will.”, and he stood up. Instantly every woman in the room stood up.  He shared this story to show how rejection, intimidation and inferiority hinders, women especially, from doing what they desire to do.

On a personal level, women seem to me to have a greater need to share their lives with others than men do.  When I counsel young women, I tell them to be sure that they have a few “girlfriends” to do things with.  I have several friends, but I have a few close friends that I pray with, have a meal with, go to a meeting with or just spend time with.  My need to share who I am and hear who they are is very great.  Though I am married, my husband does not meet that need for me as he does not have a need to share like I do.

I received a call yesterday from a young woman whom I mentored for three years.  I had to stop mentoring her because she came to depend upon me and not upon God.  It had been a long time since I had spoken with her personally.  I had heard from others that she had grown in her faith, but that she was still dealing with some major issues.

Her situation is a classic rejection scenario.  When she was 18 months old her dad sent her outside to play, locked the door and would not let her in all day.  The impact of that day affected her whole life.  She was diagnosed as being bi-polar, having the intellect of a young child, even though I found her to be very quick to understand and remember the things I taught her.  Unfortunately, she did not always do what she knew she should do.

When she was six years of age her mother and dad divorced.  She and her brother were raised by her mother.

Her mother had a “boyfriend”, who sexually molested her, and subsequently she was raped several times by an extended family member as well.  Not unusual for this scenario, she has had a problem with lust her whole life.  Soul ties are formed and unless broken, they continue to dominate the soul.

She has had numerous “boyfriends” and one husband, whom she divorced because he did not meet her “needs”.  She claims to be a Christian, to believe in God, having received Jesus as her personal savior.  But, she has great struggles with her sexuality.

God loves her even though she can’t get a handle on His love or how His love is that which finally fills the love, acceptance box in her soul.  It is only the love of God that sets the soul free at last from the rejection we all receive by living in this fallen world.

Now, let’s talk about self-worth.

Many years ago, I was on a prayer journey in Europe.  Several of us went into the red light district in Holland.  It was appalling to the senses.  There was a house that was built similarly to a ship, that is to say that the front of the house was like the prow of a ship.  It was all windows and two-story.

The top room of the house was bathed in blue light.  In that room there was one of the most beautiful blonde woman I have ever seen.  She was scantily clad, posing for those on the street to see.  The lower room was bathed in red light and in that room was a beautiful brunette woman.  These two women were the advertisement for the brothel.

How could someone who was so beautiful in form and face do what these women did?  Couldn’t they have done something without demeaning who they were, who God created them to be?  What was the answer?

Many years ago a reporter was interviewing a Miss America candidate.  In the interview she complained about having fat on her stomach, to which the reporter wrote, “It was unbelievable that this beautiful girl, who looked perfect, did not see herself as she was.”

Anorexia and bulimia are called diseases.  I recently listened to Karen Carpenter sing a beautiful Christmas song.  She was a victim of Anorexia.  What a shame and what a loss to the world to have that beautiful voice silenced.

Alcoholism, something I am intimately acquainted with, is another area that many are calling a disease.  My dad began using when he was a teen-ager.  The result of a lifetime of use caused him to lose his home, his wife, his children and ultimately his life.  Unfortunately, this so-called disease, passes down the generations and there are other family members who are bound by it.

Will any of these keep you out of Heaven?  No!  The way to Heaven is through faith in Jesus.  Are Alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia, prostitution, sexual immorality very real?  Yes! In my opinion they are all the result of rejection, only symptoms of a need to fill the hole in the soul.  Self-medication…so that they can “feel” accepted.

Do these things satisfy the very real need that people have?  No!  They are temporary fixes at best.  At the worst, they take your earthly life and unless you have been born-again by the Spirit of God, they will condemn you to eternity without God, life, love and light; for eternity the enemy will torment you because you chose your sin and not God.

If you have a problem with any of the things I have highlighted today please know that the issue is rejection.  You can be set you free.  The answer is found in receiving Jesus as your Savior and your Lord.

“He (God) chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe!  Because of his great love he ordained us, (marked us with His love) so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.  For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace —for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us.  And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!”  Ephesians 1:4-6 The Passion Translation

“According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”                          Ephesians 1: 4-7 The King James Version

It was this passage that set me free from rejection.  I felt like I didn’t belong to anyone.  I felt like an orphan.  Rejection consumes your mind, your will and your emotions.  It binds you like a straight jacket and colors your whole world.

It is amazing how the world opens up when your realize that God knew you before he even created the world.  How God sees you and me is so different from how we see ourselves or how others see us.  Love glasses, love lenses change everything.

Yesterday a group of friends celebrated Christmas with a friend of ours who is slowly inching toward eternity.  Her heart is failing, but her spirit is strong.  We began to sing a Christmas song and I realized that it may be the last time we have this time with her.  It hit my emotions, my soul.  I know where she is going and I have peace that she is being prepared to meet Jesus, but the thought of this one that I have shared a portion of my life with, not being here, saddened me.  I love her.

Love overcomes when we yield to it.  The God kind of love is without condition.  He loves because He is love.  He once told me that He loved the alcoholic lying in the street covered in his own vomit as much as He loved the most righteous man in the land.  I cannot comprehend that kind of love, I can only accept it and I do.

Everyone has issues that they deal with constantly.  We live in a fallen world, there is no perfect man on this planet.  But, there is a perfect man in Heaven, Jesus is there.  He prays for us constantly, because He understands what it is like to live here.  I have loved ones there and I believe that they also bring requests to Father for those of us that are here.  They are waiting with joy for us to come home.

I know that this has been long friend, but I felt strongly to address this today.  I pray that you have been touched in some way to draw near to God through Jesus.  If you have met Him, you know how much you are loved.  If you have not met Him yet…consider it.  Oh, how He loves you and me.

Affectionately,                                                                                                                                          Joy





Yesterday I went out of the house for the first time in several days.  It felt a bit odd.  I don’t know about you, but I like being active, doing things.  Don’t get me wrong, I need quiet time too, but I was not created for inactivity.  In fact, the Lord lets me know on occasion that I have become a human doing instead of a human being.  LOL!

As I was meandering about town working off my list, I thought of the word handicapped, not a word that you will hear much in today’s politically correct world.  But then, I don’t track a whole lot with that kind of thinking anyway.

I really like words, that is most of them, though there are some words that are ugly.  Anyway, as I was driving to my destinations I was thinking of the meaning of handicapped.  This is not a great word, as words go, but I think it can be a springboard for good and growth.

My Gram used to say, people that were handicapped in some way were “not quite right”.   She meant that they were physically handicapped or mentally retarded.  However, I believe that if you are impaired in some way or another, physical or mental, you are handicapped. I want to share with you a small part of my life with the handicap of being a tall girl in a world of average people.

My uncle, my Mother’s brother, was the father figure in my young life, being a perfectionist, his requirements were a tough standard for a young girl to follow.  As a result, I felt as though I could never quite measure up; I was never quite good enough at whatever I did.  Top that off me being a tall girl, when everyone around me was average in height, and you had the makings of a handicap.

I often heard the words.  “My but you”re (she’s) tall!”, as if it wasn’t obvious to me and everyone else.  Why is it that people call attention to the flaws, the handicaps, that are so clearly seen by all, and most of the time known by the person themselves?  Could one of the possibilities be to take the spotlight off their own insecurity and handicaps?

My point in all of this wandering is that every single person on the face of this God-created earth is, in fact, handicapped in one way or another.  During our teen years  some “flaw or fault” that we had was highlighted by someone, making us want to crawl in a hole and disappear rather than having to face that issue once again, and if it hasn’t happened to you yet, it will…small comfort that, eh?

There has never been a perfect person.  Isaiah 53:2 says that even Jesus was not extraordinary in His physical appearance.  So, why do we place such great importance on the physical body?

I read an article about a contestant in a beauty pageant, who when questioned by a reporter about how she saw herself, was astounded to hear her talk about what she saw as a flaw in her appearance, when, in fact, she appeared to be perfect.  No one is immune to the voices that put you down and make you feel like “less than”.  No one!

Dear reader, we can relax the standard, the bar is too high, we can never measure up to what “they” say, whoever they are.  There is a standard that we can go by, a measure that will change everything for us, and it is a measure that will never change, will never be moved by whether we are good or bad, right or wrong, beautiful or homely, it is the standard of God’s unconditional love for each one of us.

I love what Psalm 139 teaches about the creation of each one of us in our mother’s womb.  It tells us that God was totally involved in that process, watching over it.  He told Jeremiah that He knew him from His mother’s womb and John the Baptist was Spirit-filled from his mother’s womb.  They were just people like us.  We came from God and if we choose His way while we live here on earth, then we can go to be with Him when we leave this earth suit behind.

Handicaps?  My point is that we all are handicapped in one way or another, but it is not the fact of a handicap that needs to rule us, it is our attitude and what we do that will make the differance in our life.  Circumstances do not have to determine who or what we will be, we can become bitter or we can become better, it is our decision.  When you realize that God accepts you just as you are in Jesus, through Jesus, the next step is to accept yourself as you are and begin to grow up into a mature man or woman.

For many years I suffered from rejection and insecurity, and occasionally those old accusations do try to resurface, but I choose to use those times to grow.  I will always be tall, God gave me the DNA that I have, it is my task to use it for His glory.  I desire to be the best me that I can be and when being tall feels like a handicap, I remember that my Father in Heaven loves me, accepts me as I am and invites me to grow up to be like Jesus.  I choose to see what felt like a handicap as an advantage and behave accordingly.

Hope your day is going well friends, blessings to you from Heaven’s love.

Joyfully His,