Tag Archive | sad

Rejection and Insecurity

Every person is born with a longing to belong.  Every person has an innate desire to share his time, his thoughts with someone.  Every person, every human being, every one has a need to be accepted and loved.  At some time in every life, a person will be rejected, will feel rejected, not accepted, not loved.  What does this lead to?  What happens within a person then?  That’s what I want to look at today.

Dr. James Dobson, the former head of Focus on the Family, worked at a hospital early in his career. The hospital’s director called a meeting one morning.  The room was full of women as Dr. Dobson walked in and took the end seat in the front row.  In the back of the room was a table with coffee and refreshments.  The women were all seated.

The director walked in and greeted everyone.  She laid out the format for the meeting, She said that they would have coffee first and then proceed.  Everyone was invited to go to the tables in the back of the room.  No one moved.  Dr. Dobson then said, “Thank you, I believe I will.”, and he stood up. Instantly every woman in the room stood up.  He shared this story to show how rejection, intimidation and inferiority hinders, women especially, from doing what they desire to do.

On a personal level, women seem to me to have a greater need to share their lives with others than men do.  When I counsel young women, I tell them to be sure that they have a few “girlfriends” to do things with.  I have several friends, but I have a few close friends that I pray with, have a meal with, go to a meeting with or just spend time with.  My need to share who I am and hear who they are is very great.  Though I am married, my husband does not meet that need for me as he does not have a need to share like I do.

I received a call yesterday from a young woman whom I mentored for three years.  I had to stop mentoring her because she came to depend upon me and not upon God.  It had been a long time since I had spoken with her personally.  I had heard from others that she had grown in her faith, but that she was still dealing with some major issues.

Her situation is a classic rejection scenario.  When she was 18 months old her dad sent her outside to play, locked the door and would not let her in all day.  The impact of that day affected her whole life.  She was diagnosed as being bi-polar, having the intellect of a young child, even though I found her to be very quick to understand and remember the things I taught her.  Unfortunately, she did not always do what she knew she should do.

When she was six years of age her mother and dad divorced.  She and her brother were raised by her mother.

Her mother had a “boyfriend”, who sexually molested her, and subsequently she was raped several times by an extended family member as well.  Not unusual for this scenario, she has had a problem with lust her whole life.  Soul ties are formed and unless broken, they continue to dominate the soul.

She has had numerous “boyfriends” and one husband, whom she divorced because he did not meet her “needs”.  She claims to be a Christian, to believe in God, having received Jesus as her personal savior.  But, she has great struggles with her sexuality.

God loves her even though she can’t get a handle on His love or how His love is that which finally fills the love, acceptance box in her soul.  It is only the love of God that sets the soul free at last from the rejection we all receive by living in this fallen world.

Now, let’s talk about self-worth.

Many years ago, I was on a prayer journey in Europe.  Several of us went into the red light district in Holland.  It was appalling to the senses.  There was a house that was built similarly to a ship, that is to say that the front of the house was like the prow of a ship.  It was all windows and two-story.

The top room of the house was bathed in blue light.  In that room there was one of the most beautiful blonde woman I have ever seen.  She was scantily clad, posing for those on the street to see.  The lower room was bathed in red light and in that room was a beautiful brunette woman.  These two women were the advertisement for the brothel.

How could someone who was so beautiful in form and face do what these women did?  Couldn’t they have done something without demeaning who they were, who God created them to be?  What was the answer?

Many years ago a reporter was interviewing a Miss America candidate.  In the interview she complained about having fat on her stomach, to which the reporter wrote, “It was unbelievable that this beautiful girl, who looked perfect, did not see herself as she was.”

Anorexia and bulimia are called diseases.  I recently listened to Karen Carpenter sing a beautiful Christmas song.  She was a victim of Anorexia.  What a shame and what a loss to the world to have that beautiful voice silenced.

Alcoholism, something I am intimately acquainted with, is another area that many are calling a disease.  My dad began using when he was a teen-ager.  The result of a lifetime of use caused him to lose his home, his wife, his children and ultimately his life.  Unfortunately, this so-called disease, passes down the generations and there are other family members who are bound by it.

Will any of these keep you out of Heaven?  No!  The way to Heaven is through faith in Jesus.  Are Alcoholism, anorexia, bulimia, prostitution, sexual immorality very real?  Yes! In my opinion they are all the result of rejection, only symptoms of a need to fill the hole in the soul.  Self-medication…so that they can “feel” accepted.

Do these things satisfy the very real need that people have?  No!  They are temporary fixes at best.  At the worst, they take your earthly life and unless you have been born-again by the Spirit of God, they will condemn you to eternity without God, life, love and light; for eternity the enemy will torment you because you chose your sin and not God.

If you have a problem with any of the things I have highlighted today please know that the issue is rejection.  You can be set you free.  The answer is found in receiving Jesus as your Savior and your Lord.

“He (God) chose us to be his very own, joining us to himself even before he laid the foundation of the universe!  Because of his great love he ordained us, (marked us with His love) so that we would be seen as holy in his eyes with an unstained innocence.  For it was always in his perfect plan to adopt us as his delightful children through our union with Jesus, the Anointed One, so that his tremendous love that cascades over us would glorify his grace —for the same love he has for his Beloved One, Jesus, he has for us.  And this unfolding plan brings him great pleasure!”  Ephesians 1:4-6 The Passion Translation

“According as he hath chosen us in him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before him in love:  Having predestinated us unto the adoption of children by Jesus Christ to himself, according to the good pleasure of his will, to the praise of the glory of his grace, wherein he hath made us accepted in the beloved. In whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins.”                          Ephesians 1: 4-7 The King James Version

It was this passage that set me free from rejection.  I felt like I didn’t belong to anyone.  I felt like an orphan.  Rejection consumes your mind, your will and your emotions.  It binds you like a straight jacket and colors your whole world.

It is amazing how the world opens up when your realize that God knew you before he even created the world.  How God sees you and me is so different from how we see ourselves or how others see us.  Love glasses, love lenses change everything.

Yesterday a group of friends celebrated Christmas with a friend of ours who is slowly inching toward eternity.  Her heart is failing, but her spirit is strong.  We began to sing a Christmas song and I realized that it may be the last time we have this time with her.  It hit my emotions, my soul.  I know where she is going and I have peace that she is being prepared to meet Jesus, but the thought of this one that I have shared a portion of my life with, not being here, saddened me.  I love her.

Love overcomes when we yield to it.  The God kind of love is without condition.  He loves because He is love.  He once told me that He loved the alcoholic lying in the street covered in his own vomit as much as He loved the most righteous man in the land.  I cannot comprehend that kind of love, I can only accept it and I do.

Everyone has issues that they deal with constantly.  We live in a fallen world, there is no perfect man on this planet.  But, there is a perfect man in Heaven, Jesus is there.  He prays for us constantly, because He understands what it is like to live here.  I have loved ones there and I believe that they also bring requests to Father for those of us that are here.  They are waiting with joy for us to come home.

I know that this has been long friend, but I felt strongly to address this today.  I pray that you have been touched in some way to draw near to God through Jesus.  If you have met Him, you know how much you are loved.  If you have not met Him yet…consider it.  Oh, how He loves you and me.

Affectionately,                                                                                                                                          Joy

 

 

 

Sorrow

Do not sorrow as those who have no hope.

Today my heart is heavy.  A young woman, Mary, with 5 children ages 1 to 12 lies in the hospital, overcome by cancer, the Doctors have given her husband no hope.  The human question is why?  That is followed by thoughts of who will care for the kids?

This story has been repeated times without number in the world.  Not long ago we heard the story of Joey, a beautiful young singer, who with her husband Rory were raising a little girl.  After a valiant fight she died from cancer.

My struggle is trying to understand how what appears to be a tragedy can work for good.  Children without their mother or father, some so young they will never know them until eternity.

If I did not know God, if I did not know that He is love, if I did not know that He has good plans for our lives here on earth, I would be drowned in despair.

He said, “I know the plans I have for you, for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I think of the words of an old hymn…”Though the wrong seems oft so strong God is the ruler yet.”

My girl Kathy’s heart is being rung out right now as she watches her sister Mary dying before her eyes.  Yet there is hope still.  Even at the last minute many condemned to be executed have been given a stay of execution.  Could our dear Mary yet be touched by the Master?  I believe so.

Should our Father in Heaven choose to bring Mary Home, which to our eyes appears  to be premature, He has a plan for Chris and their children.  We will pray.

When we face hard things that to our eyes appear to be so wrong, so unjust, so unfair, we go to our Father for comfort, encouragement and hope.  He has promised to be with us in trouble, to deliver us and satisfy us with long life.

When we cannot understand His hand we must trust His heart.

 

Songs From the Prairie

There are many songs being sung in our world today and none without meaning.  There are as many songs as there are people.

This past week-end I traveled to spend some time with a woman who has been a good friend for well over fifty years.  She was born with a happy song, but with the years, and with circumstances, her song has been diminshed.  Oh, she still laughs and smiles, but her song is now tinged with sorrow and sadness as physical issues require attention, and her strong work ethic is not so easily managed.  Weariness often overcomes her.

My friend and I spent a couple of hours with our god-child, a very successful man who is goal oriented and driven by a dream.  The business he is engaged in is quite lucritive and he has plans for early retirement when he meets his goal.  His pride and joy though are his children, whom he talks about with great excitement.  From an earthly standpoint, he appears to have it all together, but some “worry lines” on his face indicate that even his song has a dark side, perhaps I should say a gray side.  Life is not free of challenges.

I am blessed to have a son and his family in the same area, so I was able to enjoy a few hours with them as well.  The song they sing comes across to me as mostly blue.  As a mother, I wish I was able to wave a magic wand and “make it all alright”, but my Father in Heaven allows me to make my own choices and decisions and some of the greatest lessons I have learned have been because of hard times.  So, I must allow them to sing the blues while I pray that the clouds will part and the Sun of righteousness will shine upon them.

Following the visit with my biological child I enjoyed a visit with my spiritual son and his family.  A visit to their home is always a joy because they have the gift of hospitality.  I feel welcomed and warmed by their kind, gentle attention.  Their home is in the country and because Spring has arrived, at last, in the north country, everything was green and growing.  I love Spring!  I love it because of the new life, the happy song, the hope of harvest, the hope of fruitfulness in the Fall.  I heard Spring’s song and I was refreshed.

Today as I was considering this week-end with the various songs I heard, my thought turned to fruit salad.  Strange you say, yes, I am sure, but then that is how my mind works.

There are many kinds of fruit, each one can be enjoyed individually and yet they can be combined to make a fruit salad.  If people can be compared to fruit, consider this:   You cannot take an apple and turn it into an orange, you cannot take a pear and make it into a banana, nor can you make a blueberry into a cherry.  BUT, you can combine them into a fruit salad that is incredibly wonderful tasting and very nourishing as well.  Throw in some blueberries for anti-oxident power and you are good to go.

Why do we try to make other people into our own image?  Why can we not accept  each other for who we are?  God loves variety, we all sing a different song and that is okay.  He is the author of all of the songs, but what we do with our song is what makes our song a happy song or a sad one.  Decisions matter!

As I thought about fruit salad, I realized that God’s love is the dressing that keeps it all together, adds just the right flavor to it.  It marries all the fruit together into a pleasing delight for the palate.  And yet, each fruit adds its own flavor to the salad.  Wonderful!

That thought led me to unity.  That is what happens when we allow God into our marriage, our family.  It becomes a wonderful blend where each one is loved and accepted as they are, without trying to force one another to be someone they are not, a job by the way, that only the love of God can accomplish.

Uniformity on the other hand is like homoginization, only one distinct flavor.  Milk is homogenized and that is good and right, but homogenized people?  No!

I love variety in food, I love variety in people.  I loved sitting with my friends nephew and his wife talking about their experience in Arizona this winter.  As they shared their time there, I lived it, could see it, could almost smell the ranch, the horses, the mountain air, and that is not my thing, but oh how lovely to be with them and hear the precious song they sang.

You, dear reader, have a song to sing.  You are singing a song in our world whether you realize it or not.  Won’t you consider what song you are singing and whether your song lifts up or pulls down those around you?

Everyone needs hope, everyone needs love and acceptance, everyone needs to be respected and honored, everyone needs to be valued.  As we honor God for who He is, realizing that it is His love that binds all of the different songs into a sympohny of beauty, harmony comes and discord disappears, our lives are changed for the better, the lives of those around us change and we come closer to Heaven on earth.

Yes, I know, Heaven on earth cannot happen yet, nevertheless, unity is the desire of Jesus spoken of in John 17 and each of us can do what we can do to bring that to pass.

Each of us is an instrument and we will play a song.  We must choose if our song will be discord or harmony.  Let us accept others for who they are and allow God to make them into the person that He wants them to be?  He can you know!

I bless you in the name of the Lord Jesus…Joy